this is what happens when I try to write

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I sit down filled with hope, my mug of tea and the motivation to accomplish the days writing. I click MS Word open and greet the blinking cursor with resolve and a smile. I take a deep breath in and begin thinking about how I want to start this section off. Then I see an alert in the corner of my screen from apple mail. I click it. Oops I didn’t mean to do that, I am supposed to be writing. But oh look it’s Fab and it’s Foodie Friday. Oh my god are those gourmet chocolate covered bananas? Okay I just have to go see those. I would really love to eat something sweet right now. Mmm chocolate. I follow the link from the email and go to the page that Fab hopes I will go to. I am a marketer keep in mind and I fall for all of the tricks of the trade. In looking at chocolate bananas I am reminded of the Warhol banana and then begin wondering if Fab is still selling Warhol stuff. I click over to the art section and start looking at art completely forgetting why I am there and what I am looking for but stumbling upon a dizzying array of beautiful art that I would love to have on my walls. In looking at the art I remember that I have been wanting to go to the AGO in Toronto because it’s been a while. I am just gonna go see what’s happening there right now. Oh my god look at that exhibit. We HAVE to go check that out. I excitedly hurry up the stairs to tell Dean about the exhibit. I stop on the way up and play with Yeti. He looks so cute. I am gonna grab my phone and take a photo of him because he looks so cute right now. While upstairs I walk through the kitchen and begin to feel hungry. I forgot to eat breakfast. I should eat something. I begin to look through the cupboards for something to eat. But I forgot my tea downstairs. I go down to get my tea and sit down in front of my computer. I grab my tea and begin to take slow sips. Oh shit! I am supposed to be writing right now! I click over to MS Word again to see my cursor blinking at me in a mocking way. I finish my tea and forget that I was hungry. Okay time to get serious now. I have to write. What am I writing about? Yes consciousness. Oh I better look at that research report I have open in my tabs. There is some good information there. I click over to the research report that has been open in Google Chrome for the last seven days because I haven’t turned off my computer in that long. It is one of fourteen open tabs. I start reading it and get about three paragraphs in when I notice that I have 12 unread alerts in Facebook (which is also open in another tab). I click and open Facebook and am enamoured by photographs, YouTube videos, angry rants, drama and funny comments until I realize I have to close Facebook. It’s really fucking with my productivity. But then I remember I am hungry. So I go upstairs in search of food. I feel mild panic when in the kitchen because I don’t have time to make lunch. I am writing and I have shit to do! I opt for a granola bar and some almonds instead and head back downstairs. It’s almost time for the girls to come home from school and I am seriously starting to panic. Where has time gone? What did I do all morning? I decide that I have to focus. I open MS Word and just start writing. I am afraid to look at the research report again in case I am distracted by something else on the Internet, which I know is a very plausible possibility. I start writing. Halla-fuckin-lujah!  I get about two pages written and am on a roll until I hear the bing of my email alert again and not even thinking about it I click my email program open and oh look it’s an email from so and so. I had better email her back. I wonder how she is doing? I haven’t talked to her in three weeks. I start typing an email to her, but then have to respond to several text messages, and a few phone calls. Oh and I really wanted to research flights to Nepal to see if there’s a cheaper way to fly there. It seems crazy to spend $2500 on airfare.

Ladies and gentleman that is an inside view into the train wreck that is my mind. Isn’t it a fucking glorious wonder that I can get anything accomplished? To me that is ultimate validation that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. The mere fact that I can still succeed in despite of that says a lot.

Oh look a kitty.

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