The Art of Disappearing

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Uncle Jack was an unusual man. He was never quite the same after returning from duty in Vietnam. You would look into his eyes and feel the horror seething out, the undeniable regret, the pain, the dark secrets that he carried around with him on a daily basis.

He never much talked about Vietnam, but you knew that it was all he could think about. The experience raped him. He couldn’t have the life of an average citizen and had a hard time reintegrating into a society of people oblivious to the horrors of war. He used to say, “Ignorance is bliss”.

Before he disappeared I remember asking him “why didn’t you get married Uncle Jack? Didn’t you ever fall in love?”

He looked at me and sneered “Heh… me fall in love? Who the hell could love someone like me!”

It wasn’t his answer that was heartbreaking, but the fact that he actually believed it.

“Everyone deserves to be loved” I said naively.

“Look sweetie… Why don’t you go play with your Barbie’s. I’d like to say you’ll understand one day, but the truth is no one does.”

I was eighteen. Barbie’s were long over for me. I was into boys, smoking, and record players. What was he thinking?

The last time I saw him he was alone in my grandparent’s basement. He sat on the couch staring blankly at the television in a dimly lit room, chain smoking. It was my job to get him to come up and join the rest of the family for dinner. It was also when I took my last photograph of him.

“No thanks” he said “I don’t have the stomach for that. Get that damn camera out of my face too will ya.”

What did he mean? The stomach for us? For dinner? For having to communicate with his family?

I was angry. “It’s time you forgot Vietnam Uncle Jack… You’re sinking like a submarine. What kind of a life is this?”

I stormed upstairs and felt his stare cut into my spine.

Uncle Jack never came upstairs that evening. Never came up to say hello, to make small talk, or even to pretend that he wanted to be around us.

The next day my grandparents called in a panic. He was gone. His room cleared out, nothing but his dog tags left sitting on the dresser.

For the first few years we thought he just needed some breathing space… but when my grandparents died and he didn’t show up to either of their funerals, we feared the worst. The mystery became even more frustrating.

One afternoon I went to the vegetable market in Chinatown. I could have sworn I saw an older Uncle Jack. I waded through the crowds of people towards a man sitting on the steps of an electronics discount store. I got pushed and swayed around in the crowd, my vision occasionally blocked by people, hands, or signs.

When I got there he was gone.

Did I really see that? I didn’t know if I was imagining him, or if it in fact could have been him.

The mystery of Uncle Jack had tormented me for years. I felt like my comment pushed him over the edge. How stupid of me to think that somebody could just “forget” about war. I was one of those oblivious people he spoke so spitefully about. I was no different than the others.

In my late twenties I landed an installation with some old photographs I had been working on revamping. It was a series of photographs I had taken of Uncle Jack. Black & White images mostly. There were images of him staring off into another realm while blowing smoke from the corner of his mouth, others of him sitting in a solitary chair, or sitting on the edge of his bed…waiting, for relief from his mental anguish. His eyes told horrible truths.

The installation helped me get to a place of understanding. Going back and looking at the images allowed me to peer into his eyes one last time. For once I actually saw the truth.

He could have never led a normal life. It was unfair of anybody to expect that from him. Especially when they didn’t see the carnage, death, and tragedy that he lived for years.

His eyes were void of a soul. For once I felt happy for him, wherever he was. It was better than here. I knew that now.



The Vagina Tragedy


I was attracted to his perfectly coiffed hair, suave urban hipster style, and his confident sexy strut. All of my coworkers swore he was gay, but something about the way my breasts attracted his attention told me otherwise.

Still… I had to find out for myself.

I spotted him at the photocopier, so I quickly unbuttoned two buttons on my blouse and sauntered over in my pencil skirt, swinging my hips like a saucy little bitch.

“Oh. Hey Kai. What’s happening?”

“Well honey, you’re pretty happening” he winked.

I thought I was going to melt through my panties. “That did sound pretty gay though…” I thought to myself. But then the wink. He clearly winked at me! It wasn’t a friendly wink either. It was an “I’d like to remove your panties” wink.

I know winks!!

I leaned against the photocopier and stared into his eyes for a few seconds until he caught my gaze. I smiled seductively and moved out of the way so he could remove his copies from the machine.

He leaned in “Hey – we should go grab a drink some time.”

“Sure.” I said. “I’d love to. How about tonight?” I smirked.

“Yeah…. Okay” he said, totally catching me off guard.

I froze in disbelief then strolled back to my desk with a permanent grin on my face, screaming inside about how exciting this was. I was so ecstatic I forgot to even pretend to make copies!

There was, however a pressing issue. I had to call Kerry and say “IN YOUR FACE”. She told me I was a fag hag.

I dialed her extension

“What?” she said in a bitchy tone.

“Is that how you answer your phone?”  I asked

“Only to you.”

“Who pissed in your cornflakes this morning? Fuck!”

“Look. Sorry… I just got in a fight with Tim. He’s being an ass.”

“Well… Fine whatever, I just wanted to tell you some exciting news. Kai ISN’T GAY!! We’re going out for a drink tonight!”

“What? Really?” she said “You’re gonna have to fill me in on THAT one! I heard he has a Chihuahua named Twinkle.”

I hung up and decided to go home for the rest of the day so I could begin my ritualistic goddess grooming procedures. There was plucking, waxing, and moisturizing to be done! I cranked the tunes, poured myself some wine and danced around my house as I embarked on my aesthetic endeavors.

At 7 o’clock he rang my doorbell. I looked through the peephole and felt myself growl like a hungry cat. I wanted to rip his Parasuco’s off, club him and drag him back to my cave… But first, I had to be a lady. At least for an hour.

I swung the door open and raped him with my eyes.

He smiled and said “Those gals are perfect” referring to my tits. I locked my door, turned into him and cupped his package “Well, we’ll just have to see how you fare”.

So much for being a lady.

Dirty girl it is.

We had appetizers at the bar, working sexual innuendo into our conversation as often as possible. We laughed at each others witty but ballsy style. He invited the gawks of every female in bar, all envious of his deliciousness.

I think it was around 11:30 when I felt myself getting sloppy drunk. He mentioned his dog and I blurted out “Your dog’s name isn’t fucking Twinkle is it?”

He glared at me, bit his lip and said “as a matter of fact it is, why?”

The bar was sort of rocking side to side and Kai occasionally had two heads. One martini too many me thinks. “Better shut my mouth or no cocky for me tonight” I thought.

Now my memory might be slightly askew but I think it was around midnight when I swore he rammed his tongue down another dude’s throat and introduced him as his partner. Then, another guy showed up. More drinks… and well, to make a long story short, I woke up THIS MORNING in the other guys bed!

No Kai… No twinkle… No deliciousness. Just a random who I don’t even remember shagging.

When I got to work I immediately stormed over to Kai’s desk. He giggled, grabbed my arm and dragged me into the lunch room ‘So… How was it last night?” he asked impatiently.

“You know… YOU’RE A FUCKING COCK TEASE!” I shouted.

Crazy Bitch


She sat on her couch staring blankly at the muted television playing reruns of Seinfeld. She could hear waves of mania whispering in her ear, feel it piercing into her bloodstream, pulsing through her body like an oncoming freight train. Now, all she had to do was wait. It was coming…

She smirked at the TV as she thought about what it would be like to rub butter all over George’s bald head. The visual image of this caused her to laugh hysterically until tears rolled down her cheek and her stomach hurt. Her heart was starting to pound out of her chest. She had to get up and go do something. Sitting on the couch just wouldn’t do, not with this type of energy, she had to get out… she needed to explore.

Feeling pretty good about herself, she put on some bright Red lipstick and a short mini skirt then headed off to do some shopping at Holt Renfrew, somewhere she normally never shopped. She tried on a dozen outfits until she found the one that was just right. Without looking at the price she ripped the tags off and walked out wearing the new outfit, her old one sitting in a trash can outside the dressing room.

The store security chased her out onto the street.

“Ma’am STOP right there NOW!”

She turned around with a smoke dangling from her mouth and a raised eyebrow “What?”

“You didn’t pay for that.”

“Oh” she said unsurprised.

She walked back into the store and threw her credit card down onto the counter.

“That will be $345.”

“Sure. Whatev!”

Dressed to the nines she headed back to her car. She cranked Peaches “Fuck the Pain Away” so loud that the bass rattled her windows and sent vibrations through her body. Disgusted onlookers glared at her harshly when they heard the nasty lyrics proudly pouring from her Honda Civic.

People just weren’t driving fast enough. “A bunch of fucking slow motherfuckers” she whispered under her breath. She laid into her horn getting the finger from several drivers around her. She decided to turn down a one way street (going the opposite direction) to make things faster and pulled up directly outside of a pub with loud music and drunk chicks hanging over the patio balcony.

“Perfect” she said.

Illegally parked on the sidewalk she headed inside.

She opened the door and strutted her ass over to the bar, walking with the swagger of a porn star about to collect the award for Best Fuck. Men stared at her hypnotically as she slid her body from side to side smirking with her pouty Red lips.

A loud obnoxious corporate guy shouted “you’re fucking hot”. She stopped in front of him and grabbed his tie, pulling him close to her, then licked his lips and the tip of his nose. She laughed and turned away from him as he watched her walk away, bewildered and turned on, but a little scared.

She sat by herself at the end of the bar. “I’ll have a double shot of Jack Daniels on the rocks” she shouted to the bartender.

“Sure thing” he said

She sat there for an hour or so and drank 4 double shots of JD, turned down 3 offers to buy her a drink, got 6 dirty looks, and stole 1 wallet. A hot Blonde woman strolled up beside her and asked “this seat taken?”

She smirked “it is now”

“I’m Celeste” the girl said, extending her hand


She swayed back and forth to the music and watched Celeste bent over the bar ordering two drinks; one for each of them. Celeste was wearing impossibly tight jeans, a slinky tube top, and some very nice stilettos. After some small talk and a few more drinks the two girls headed to the dance floor and made heads spin when they began dancing provocatively with each other.

“Lets get out of here” said Celeste

They went back to Trix’s house. The TV was still on mute and all the lights in the house were on. The fridge door was slightly open and the phone was off the hook. They sat on the couch for a few minutes and discussed the art in Trix’s living room.

“Do you wanna do something crazy?” asked Trix


“Lets go downstairs and do some painting. I have this thing with being naked and rolling around in paint, then throwing myself at a canvas. It’s awesome and it makes for some pretty crazy art. You’ll love it. Come on.”

The next morning Trix woke up and looked beside her. Celeste was naked with crusty Red, Black and Pink paint covering most of her body. She looked down at her hands, they too were covered in paint.

Her bed was smeared with paint, the sheets would now be drop cloths.

She sat there with wide eyes surveying the carnage of her bed. “Sex, paint, and alcohol… That’s what happened” she thought to herself. Suddenly she burst out laughing waking Celeste, who opened her eyes smiling. She grabbed Trix and pulled her close “You’re a crazy bitch” she said kissing her on the forehead.

“I know” said Trix “I know.”

A Certain Destiny


She preferred to hang around with queens and fags. Breeders just weren’t as interesting and always passed judgment on her extra-curricular activities and porn shop career! So what, if she sold ass plugs and dildos for a living… The people she met at work were far more interesting than any of the corporate robots who worked down the street in the business sector.

Sometimes it got slow during the day. She’d start putting batteries in things, cranking the funk, and dancing around the store like a freak. Occasionally the bells would jingle and someone would come into the store and catch her in all her glory. One particular day the bells jingled just as she was singing into a 12 inch vibrating dildo.

It was her mom.

“Mom… Oh… Hi… Oh my god. What are you doing here?”

“I heard you worked here and I just had to find out for myself.”

“HOLD ON… Let me just turn down the music okay.”

She walked over to the stereo to turn down the P Funk blaring out of the store speakers, while feeling slightly uncomfortable about having her mom standing there beside the sex swing.

Her mom straightened her skirt, looked up and said “Dear… What are you doing here?”

“I’m working mom. This is where I work.”

“This is disgusting. It’s perverted. It’s a porn shop.”

She looked at her mom in disbelief. The things that came out of that woman’s mouth were so horribly narrow minded.

“Here mom, have you ever held a 12 inch vibrating dildo?”

“No… Oh… God… get that thing away from me.”

She laughed… “See the problem isn’t me working here. It’s you not having an open enough mind for it to be acceptable. That’s why I told you I was a trainer. I mean, are you worried about what the neighbours will think mom? Because you don’t have to worry…  I haven’t encountered any of them yet okay. I’ve been here for a year and a half. It’s nothing new.”

She threw the dildo to the floor “who told you anyway?”

“I can’t say” she said

“Was it Mikey? That little fuck. I’m gonna kill him.”

“Leave your brother out of this. It’s not his fault”

Her mom looked around at the merchandise, obviously very disturbed by what she saw. She sighed. “Honey – can’t you just get a job as an assistant or a secretary in an office or something.”

“Actually mom… I’d rather slit my wrists.”

“Oh don’t be so dramatic. There are a ton of jobs out there that are just as exciting as working here.”

“Oh really… Like what?”

“Like… a… a… I don’t know. But there are interesting jobs out there.”

“Well, I’m not looking. I happen to like flogging porn, dildos, and ass plugs… Okay…. Fuck, why are you here?”

Just then the bell jingled and one of her drag friends, Destiny walked in looking positively glam. She ran over and gave her a big kiss! Destiny circled her mom like a land shark, raised an eyebrow and said “What’s with this one?”

“It’s my mom.”

Destiny laughed “Oh girl… Why didn’t you say so. She looks like Dorothy lost in Kansas in here”.

She gave mom a kiss on each cheek leaving a big Red collagen injected plump kiss mark on either side, then grabbed her hand and lead her through the store like a fucking tour guide at a museum. Occasionally her mom looked back for salvation, but she wasn’t about to try to escape Destiny’s 6 ft 2″ clutches.

While her mom and Destiny toured the store she patiently flipped through the pages of a Hustler mag and bit her fingernails nervously. Suddenly she heard a loud roar of laughter come from the back of the store.

“Mom?” She shouted. “You’re not enjoying yourself are you?”

Her mom walked back up to the counter arm in arm with Destiny. They were both giggling like school girls.

“I’m sorry I judged you” she said. “If you are happy here and it’s what you want. I shouldn’t interfere. Besides… I am actually going to make a purchase today. Shhh don’t tell your dad. Destiny recommended this little Jack Rabbit here.”

“MOM!!! TMI… okay… TMI… If you wanna come in here to visit cool, but I don’t wanna know what you’re buying. In fact, if you wanna be a customer here, I’d prefer it if you came on a day when you know that I’m not working. I don’t want or need the distracting and disturbing visual of you getting your rocks off with the Jack Rabbit okay.”

Her mom laughed “Oh lighten up and ring it in will ya.”

Destiny egged her on like a proud mother hen and she left the store happier than a pig in shit with her new Jack Rabbit vibrator in her ambiguous black shopping bag.

She sighed. “Thanks Destiny”

“Oh it’s what I do best honey. No worries! I do have to apologize though… She will be back.”

“Oh fuck are you serious?”

And she was…

Her mom came to visit once every two weeks for the next 3 months, until she finally couldn’t take it anymore, and quit. She took a job in the business sector as a secretary. It was more money but the job was dry as hell. Thankfully, her boss was a fag.