this is what happens when I try to write

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I sit down filled with hope, my mug of tea and the motivation to accomplish the days writing. I click MS Word open and greet the blinking cursor with resolve and a smile. I take a deep breath in and begin thinking about how I want to start this section off. Then I see an alert in the corner of my screen from apple mail. I click it. Oops I didn’t mean to do that, I am supposed to be writing. But oh look it’s Fab and it’s Foodie Friday. Oh my god are those gourmet chocolate covered bananas? Okay I just have to go see those. I would really love to eat something sweet right now. Mmm chocolate. I follow the link from the email and go to the page that Fab hopes I will go to. I am a marketer keep in mind and I fall for all of the tricks of the trade. In looking at chocolate bananas I am reminded of the Warhol banana and then begin wondering if Fab is still selling Warhol stuff. I click over to the art section and start looking at art completely forgetting why I am there and what I am looking for but stumbling upon a dizzying array of beautiful art that I would love to have on my walls. In looking at the art I remember that I have been wanting to go to the AGO in Toronto because it’s been a while. I am just gonna go see what’s happening there right now. Oh my god look at that exhibit. We HAVE to go check that out. I excitedly hurry up the stairs to tell Dean about the exhibit. I stop on the way up and play with Yeti. He looks so cute. I am gonna grab my phone and take a photo of him because he looks so cute right now. While upstairs I walk through the kitchen and begin to feel hungry. I forgot to eat breakfast. I should eat something. I begin to look through the cupboards for something to eat. But I forgot my tea downstairs. I go down to get my tea and sit down in front of my computer. I grab my tea and begin to take slow sips. Oh shit! I am supposed to be writing right now! I click over to MS Word again to see my cursor blinking at me in a mocking way. I finish my tea and forget that I was hungry. Okay time to get serious now. I have to write. What am I writing about? Yes consciousness. Oh I better look at that research report I have open in my tabs. There is some good information there. I click over to the research report that has been open in Google Chrome for the last seven days because I haven’t turned off my computer in that long. It is one of fourteen open tabs. I start reading it and get about three paragraphs in when I notice that I have 12 unread alerts in Facebook (which is also open in another tab). I click and open Facebook and am enamoured by photographs, YouTube videos, angry rants, drama and funny comments until I realize I have to close Facebook. It’s really fucking with my productivity. But then I remember I am hungry. So I go upstairs in search of food. I feel mild panic when in the kitchen because I don’t have time to make lunch. I am writing and I have shit to do! I opt for a granola bar and some almonds instead and head back downstairs. It’s almost time for the girls to come home from school and I am seriously starting to panic. Where has time gone? What did I do all morning? I decide that I have to focus. I open MS Word and just start writing. I am afraid to look at the research report again in case I am distracted by something else on the Internet, which I know is a very plausible possibility. I start writing. Halla-fuckin-lujah!  I get about two pages written and am on a roll until I hear the bing of my email alert again and not even thinking about it I click my email program open and oh look it’s an email from so and so. I had better email her back. I wonder how she is doing? I haven’t talked to her in three weeks. I start typing an email to her, but then have to respond to several text messages, and a few phone calls. Oh and I really wanted to research flights to Nepal to see if there’s a cheaper way to fly there. It seems crazy to spend $2500 on airfare.

Ladies and gentleman that is an inside view into the train wreck that is my mind. Isn’t it a fucking glorious wonder that I can get anything accomplished? To me that is ultimate validation that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. The mere fact that I can still succeed in despite of that says a lot.

Oh look a kitty.

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2 thoughts on “this is what happens when I try to write

  1. Hi there, Reading this made me laugh as it is just how it can be for me. Thanks for that, you made me feel ‘normal’. And thank you for calling by my blog and becoming a follower. Best of luck. J

  2. LOVE this. Your voice as a writer is so strong and something that I try to do as well in my writing. I can’t wait to read more of your stuff!

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