A Certain Destiny


She preferred to hang around with queens and fags. Breeders just weren’t as interesting and always passed judgment on her extra-curricular activities and porn shop career! So what, if she sold ass plugs and dildos for a living… The people she met at work were far more interesting than any of the corporate robots who worked down the street in the business sector.

Sometimes it got slow during the day. She’d start putting batteries in things, cranking the funk, and dancing around the store like a freak. Occasionally the bells would jingle and someone would come into the store and catch her in all her glory. One particular day the bells jingled just as she was singing into a 12 inch vibrating dildo.

It was her mom.

“Mom… Oh… Hi… Oh my god. What are you doing here?”

“I heard you worked here and I just had to find out for myself.”

“HOLD ON… Let me just turn down the music okay.”

She walked over to the stereo to turn down the P Funk blaring out of the store speakers, while feeling slightly uncomfortable about having her mom standing there beside the sex swing.

Her mom straightened her skirt, looked up and said “Dear… What are you doing here?”

“I’m working mom. This is where I work.”

“This is disgusting. It’s perverted. It’s a porn shop.”

She looked at her mom in disbelief. The things that came out of that woman’s mouth were so horribly narrow minded.

“Here mom, have you ever held a 12 inch vibrating dildo?”

“No… Oh… God… get that thing away from me.”

She laughed… “See the problem isn’t me working here. It’s you not having an open enough mind for it to be acceptable. That’s why I told you I was a trainer. I mean, are you worried about what the neighbours will think mom? Because you don’t have to worry…  I haven’t encountered any of them yet okay. I’ve been here for a year and a half. It’s nothing new.”

She threw the dildo to the floor “who told you anyway?”

“I can’t say” she said

“Was it Mikey? That little fuck. I’m gonna kill him.”

“Leave your brother out of this. It’s not his fault”

Her mom looked around at the merchandise, obviously very disturbed by what she saw. She sighed. “Honey – can’t you just get a job as an assistant or a secretary in an office or something.”

“Actually mom… I’d rather slit my wrists.”

“Oh don’t be so dramatic. There are a ton of jobs out there that are just as exciting as working here.”

“Oh really… Like what?”

“Like… a… a… I don’t know. But there are interesting jobs out there.”

“Well, I’m not looking. I happen to like flogging porn, dildos, and ass plugs… Okay…. Fuck, why are you here?”

Just then the bell jingled and one of her drag friends, Destiny walked in looking positively glam. She ran over and gave her a big kiss! Destiny circled her mom like a land shark, raised an eyebrow and said “What’s with this one?”

“It’s my mom.”

Destiny laughed “Oh girl… Why didn’t you say so. She looks like Dorothy lost in Kansas in here”.

She gave mom a kiss on each cheek leaving a big Red collagen injected plump kiss mark on either side, then grabbed her hand and lead her through the store like a fucking tour guide at a museum. Occasionally her mom looked back for salvation, but she wasn’t about to try to escape Destiny’s 6 ft 2″ clutches.

While her mom and Destiny toured the store she patiently flipped through the pages of a Hustler mag and bit her fingernails nervously. Suddenly she heard a loud roar of laughter come from the back of the store.

“Mom?” She shouted. “You’re not enjoying yourself are you?”

Her mom walked back up to the counter arm in arm with Destiny. They were both giggling like school girls.

“I’m sorry I judged you” she said. “If you are happy here and it’s what you want. I shouldn’t interfere. Besides… I am actually going to make a purchase today. Shhh don’t tell your dad. Destiny recommended this little Jack Rabbit here.”

“MOM!!! TMI… okay… TMI… If you wanna come in here to visit cool, but I don’t wanna know what you’re buying. In fact, if you wanna be a customer here, I’d prefer it if you came on a day when you know that I’m not working. I don’t want or need the distracting and disturbing visual of you getting your rocks off with the Jack Rabbit okay.”

Her mom laughed “Oh lighten up and ring it in will ya.”

Destiny egged her on like a proud mother hen and she left the store happier than a pig in shit with her new Jack Rabbit vibrator in her ambiguous black shopping bag.

She sighed. “Thanks Destiny”

“Oh it’s what I do best honey. No worries! I do have to apologize though… She will be back.”

“Oh fuck are you serious?”

And she was…

Her mom came to visit once every two weeks for the next 3 months, until she finally couldn’t take it anymore, and quit. She took a job in the business sector as a secretary. It was more money but the job was dry as hell. Thankfully, her boss was a fag.


11 thoughts on “A Certain Destiny

  1. love your writing! i was riding around with my cousin patrick kelley and we were talking about your site, just thought i’d tell you “your awesome”!!!

  2. Your gift of livening the uncomfortable and skin crawling side of human nature leaves me squirming each time I visit. Of course, that’s the mark of a great writer. But you already knew that.

    If my mom goes anywhere near a Jack Rabbit, I’m leaving the family.

  3. Kelley: Thanks so much for stopping in! Patrick thinks very highly of you, so I know you must be pretty awesome yourself. I really appreciate your comment!

    MVD: Ha ha! Thank you so much. I really appreciate that comment. Sometimes I think when I have crossed all the lines there are to cross, I’ll discover a new one.

    Lisa: Moms always win in the end, don’t they! 🙂

  4. Thats brilliant!
    People have so many expectations made of them, but just because how someone approves of living a certain way, doesn’t ultimately make it any better.
    And even if other peoples opinions are of value to you, people change their views every day. Some just need the coaxing of a charming drag queen.
    I’m glad I figured out how to follow wordpress blogs before I found this 😉

  5. I admit it, I hadn’t read your stuff before. But I will in the future. Who knew you were such an expert on…well no wonder you’re not a baseball fan; you’ve got more important things on your mind!

  6. You had me laughing all through this – thank you so much! Nice sharpness to your writing, and I love the dialogue.

    I cold see the whole episode play out as I read. Well done.

  7. Great characters and use of humour. The ending had me laughing. Neat twist to have the daughter get prudish where mom is concerned.

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