Out with a bang


Walter was an 85 year old perv who lived in a retirement community in Niagara on the Lake. His wife of 60 years (Pearl) passed away, giving him a new lease on life. When Pearl died, Walter took up drinking and drugs, gained an interest in prostitutes, began gambling at Casino Niagara (where he often got kicked out for pissing in the water fountain), and died his remaining hair Manic Panic Pillarbox Red.

The staff at the Casino rolled their eyes whenever Walter showed up, usually with some awful rented whore on his arm. He sold his Buick and bought a moped, so his dates didn’t always enjoy their ride… especially if Walter was naked, which sometimes he was. But they were usually high anyway. Walter also had this bad habit of taking his Viagra too early, so the staff at the casino sometimes had to kick him out for reasons other than peeing in the fountain.

One early morning Walter and Destiny (a 40 year old stripper with a nasty crack habit) emerged from the Casino whacked on the rock. Walter began having chest pains. Destiny, with a smoke dangling from her lips stopped dead in her tracks.

“Walter – baby are you okay?”

“I – I – I don’t know pudding pop… My chest… It’s tight… I… I may have had one too many blasts from the ol’ base pipe there”

“We gotta go then. We have to get you back to the motel.”

“Hold up just a minute there my beautiful bag bride, I need to catch my breath first. I have more miles on my odometer than you do, remember?”

Destiny stood there with the smoke in her mouth staring at Walter in absolute fear. She began taking drags of her cigarette without using either of her hands. “You know… Honey, if I get thrown in the slammer for posession again, I won’t be out for a while. I need you to pay me now cuz I gotta go sugar.”

Walter held up his hand “Listen now, don’t go gettin’ all greedy on me now. You know I’m good for it. The plan was that you come back to the motel with me and fuck me for the day.”

A security guard began approaching the odd pair. This must have been a trigger for Destiny who began twitching uncontrollably and talking to herself. Walter remained motionless, clutching his chest.

“Do we have a problem sir?”

“No we don’t have a fucking problem you wanna be, so take your pansy ass back over there with your little billy stick and leave us the fuck alone so we can get back to OUR MOTEL AND FUCK.”

Destiny laughed hysterically and squeezed Walters package, which was still solid.

The rent-a-cop shot them both a death stare and said “You two are a couple of nasty cracker jacks! Get out of here.”

Walter & Destiny put on their helmets and headed back to the Super 8 to get their freak on. Destiny’s ass hung out of her mini skirt, exposing her lumpy thighs and ass, much to the dismay of families and tourists. When they got back to the motel neither of them could locate the key, so the decided that breaking the glass was a better idea.

Destiny, who was missing teeth, smiled at Walter when she noticed a wad of cash on the nightstand. “I’ll take that… Then I’m all yours Honey.”

Walter threw the bills at her and said “here, take it all… I’m gonna go hook up with Pearl after this anyhow. I need some rest.”


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