A Christmas Post (not to be confused with a Holiday post)

christmaspostSo I can’t help but think that it’s time to start focusing on Christmas. After all, the stores have been telling me it’s time since November 1st. But now that some White stuff has fallen, Starbucks has changed their coffee cups to the Red seasonal ones, and Christmas music now blasts out of the annoyingly loud speakers at the gas stations… I feel that it’s time to embrace the season.

AJ had some (errr) interesting childhood traditions, including leaving a boot out and being told that a flying baby came in through the chimney and left presents for him. And not just any flying baby (or dancing baby)… fucking Baby Jesus! Imagine that?!

I do think he was skeptical about why a baby was allowed out at night by itself, where Santa was, and who was cock-blocking who though. I know I am confused, and I’ve been told these stories numerous times! I just don’t get it. Sure we’re celebrating the birth of Christ, but it doesn’t mean that he has to come flying in through the window. What’s wrong with Santa?! He was getting by just fine! Sure he might have had his fat ass stuck in a chimney or two, but he got there, did the deed. Left the presents, even sometimes got a little jiggy with mommy!

So a flying baby will not be delivering presents to my girls this Christmas, nor will we be going to midnight mass… But, they will hang stockings and Santa will come. Although, I have been using Santa as a parenting tactic for weeks now and I worry that it might be getting old.

The divas are now accustomed to hearing “Santa is watching you”, “I don’t think Santa would be cool with what you’re doing right now”, “Oh don’t you want Santa to bring you any presents this year??? Cuz you’re not acting like it.”

You know it’s desperate times when I’m resorting to Santa tactics.

I wonder what the temperature is like now with the whole Politically Correct Christmas scene. Have we realized that it’s okay to say “MERRY CHRISTMAS” or are we still expected to say “Seasons Greetings”. Are people aware that the reason why they are allowed to be OFF WORK on those days is because it’s CHRISTmas, or do they think that it’s because of some non-denominational holiday thing, which has no direct correlation to any religion or faith?!

I am hoping that people have moved on from being politically correct now. It got a bit out of hand didn’t it?! One of my classic posts “Merry Politically Correct Christmas” outlines just how ridiculous things got.

So, we have a Black President-elect in the U.S, we have embraced a social movement online, have recognized that size 0 is not healthy, that Barbie is disproportionate, and have all become a bit more tolerant of each other… Do you think maybe we can say Merry Christmas now?

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8 thoughts on “A Christmas Post (not to be confused with a Holiday post)

  1. Festivus for the Rest of Us!!! Don’t forget that…

    And what is Boxing Day? Is that the day you box your shit you didn’t want up and return it to the store?

  2. I got this e-mail today/hopefully it doesn’ take up too much space

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: November 23, 2008
    RE: Christmas Party
    I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols…feel free to sing along.
    And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
    A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
    Merry Christmas to you and your family.
    Patty

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: November 23, 2008
    RE: Holiday Party
    In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
    However, from now on we’re calling it our ‘Holiday Party.’ The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
    There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?
    Happy Holidays to you and your family.
    Patty
    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: November 23, 2008
    RE: Holiday Party
    Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table .. you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, ‘AA Only’; you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
    Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED
    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    To: All Employees
    RE: Holiday Party
    What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
    Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from The dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
    Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table.
    To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though.
    We will have booster seats for short people.
    Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
    We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first.
    There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply ‘No Sugar’ desserts. Sorry!
    Did I miss anything?!?!?
    Patty
    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All F****** Employees
    DATE: November 26, 2008
    RE: The F****** Holiday Party
    Vegetarian pricks I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the ‘grill of death,’ as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW!
    I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
    Drive drunk and die,
    The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
    FROM: Acting Human Resources Director
    DATE: November 26, 2008
    RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
    I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

  3. Its pretty simple. I say “Merry Christmas”. I’m Christian (sorta) and its my holiday and I’ll wish whoever I want a happy one. Really, if someone walked by me and wished me a Happy Hannukah or Happy Kwanzaa or Merry Ramadan, I wouldn’t get offended.

  4. The holiday (originally Holy Day) is called Christ-Mass. We all have different traditions (in Australia St. Nick arives on a surfboard wearing a red & white striped 1 peice swimsuit). But the ‘reason for the season’ is celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. We all give gifts because God first gave us His son.

    I can understand peeps who don’t believe not celebrating it too. Being a Christian, I don’t celebrate Ede, Kwanza, or Hannukah. But why would I be offended if someone who did wish me a good time during that season?

    I think the problem is too many people worrying about their own toes (or worse other peoples) being stepped on. Since most religions preach love and tolerance why can’t we extend it for that brief moment someone wishes you “Happy Hannukah” or “Merry Christmas”?

    Merry Chrismhanukwanzadan Everybody!

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