So the Dirty 30 Party is out of the way now and I can relax and not worry about hosting another party until February. We had blow up dolls, sex toys, retro porn books, John Holmes in Boogie Down on our TV, sex themed food, red lights, bras & panties hanging from pictures and lamps… and we did blowjob shots while handcuffed. I even pulled out my turntables and set them up in the kitchen! It was a ton of fun.
I think I did a bad job at cleaning up before my girls got home though. Because this morning one of them picked up an 8″ vibrator and said “Mommy what’s this?” I panicked and stumbled over my words, “It’s a joke… It’s not mine, It’s my friends, It’s. Just GIVE IT TO ME”.
Then, to make matters worse, there were a couple of penis decorations on a side table (basically smiling penis cut outs). They laughed and pointed and said “That’s funny Mommy”. Again I panicked, picked them up and threw them out!! They even spotted a Penis tiara and wanted to wear it. I shouted “NO” and my daughter said “How come you don’t let us see anything Mommy”, and I said “because its rude and not for 4 year olds”! Then I sent them downstairs where I knew it was “safe”.
Thank God I deflated Peter Pecker and Bonita yesterday!!!
Over the weekend I saw one of those Traffic Tickets cars driving around. You know the ones that advertise getting you out of your tickets. The vehicle was decorated like an ad. It said “Impaired driving, speeding, careless driving”, and a couple of other things. It was about 2am or so and in the passenger seat was a CLEARLY drunk man hunched over with his eyes closed. How’s that for irony?!
Then yesterday we were driving somewhere and it was early in the day (maybe 12 or 1). There was a woman in a passenger seat sleeping with her mouth wide open. I pointed at her and laughed and said “a little early for a nap isn’t it?! Well the car changed lanes and went in front of us, and I saw that it was a commercial vehicle for a FUCKING SLEEP THERAPY company! I shit you not. They deal with sleep apnea and other sleep disorders. I don’t know if my radar was just up or what, but there’s good content in there somewhere.