Once Loved Judy

My next door neighbour used to plant artificial flowers in her garden and water them. I think she thought that none of us knew they were fake, but we all did. Her garden did look nice though, I’ll give her that, except… she probably should have removed them in the Fall and definitely through the winter.

She lived on her own and rarely had visitors or family over. She seemed so nice every time I saw her in the street. She’d always have something friendly to say. She just seemed like a quiet woman who kept to herself. The complete lack of people in her life didn’t really clue me in to anything, and it wasn’t until she got raging drunk one night that I began figuring her out.

My friends and I were out on the patio enjoying a nice merlot and some sweet cherry cigars, when we heard loud screaming “WooooooooHoooooo….. 40 years! 40 fuckin’ years!”. We all looked at each other and giggled as we thought “what the fuck was that”.

Not ten seconds later another “Yeeeehoooooo” emitted from her house, followed by LOUD celtic music and some hardcore foot stomping, which was sometimes accompanied with clapping. Her stomping, shouting, and clapping occasionally became louder when every so often she’d come outside in the yard and shout “40 YEARS”. We figured her tunes were on a record player because there was a pause a few times between songs.

We couldn’t figure out what she was celebrating. It was all very comedic. Couldn’t of been her age, because she was clearly in her 60s, possibly even 70. She couldn’t get away with 40 if every inch of her skin was botoxed to oblivion. She wasn’t married either, so it couldn’t have been an anniversary. She had no kids and no friends… It was all so very strange.

We all sat there in utter silence, now completely amused and fascinated by Judy, the whacky woman next year who was happy about something being 40 years, only we weren’t sure what.

At one point the music stopped and another neighbour shouted “THANK GOD”

But not two minutes later, Judy had the next track on and resumed her “Woooooohooooo… 40 Years” only to be met by a “SHUT THE FUCK UP” from another neighbour.

We all sat there sipping merlot laughing at the carnival of events happening in our usually quiet neighbourhood. Judy was getting a rise out of people. We wondered if the cops would be called.

About an hour into Judy’s celebration we began getting involved (it was hard not to). We would shout “Wooohoooo YEAH” back at her every so often or “CRANK IT UP”. We laughed as she responded willingly now shouting over the fence at us “Guys – 40 YEARS”.

We heard the creek of her gate open and saw her White hair pop up behind our fence. We were all frozen. She was completely naked, with the exception of a pair of heels and a string of pearls. “Oh poor Judy… What the fuck went wrong in your life” I thought as I stared at her in disbelief.

None of us wanted to let her into the yard, so I said “Well, we’re about to head to bed. But Judy, we have to ask you… What’s with the 40 years, what are you talking about?”

She cackled loudly and shouted “since he’s been gone”

“Since who’s been gone?” I asked curiously

“My husband” she said, no longer laughing.

There was an awkward silence that followed as we all looked around the table at each other. Judy headed back to her yard. I heard her open the gate.

“Good night Judy” I shouted. We all sat quiet for minute and then went in.

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2 thoughts on “Once Loved Judy

  1. Reminds me of this old lady that lived on our street back in da hood.

    She lived by herself. We used to play baseball in the street down there and she used to get all pissed off when we did so we would intentionally hit her house with the tennis ball.

    She’d go nuts on us. She also used to hate when someone parked in front of her house. It was a dead end street and maybe three cars would pass her house all day. She would bitch and complain for the city to paint a red zone so no one would park there. Finally the city caved and put in a blue zone for handicapped parking to shut her up. My mom had polio so she has the handicapped parking sign. My brother took her car and parked it in the blue zone just to have her freak out and call the police. The cop did nothing… he knew it was intentional of someone in the neighborhood. All of us kids were out there on our skateboards…

    She always lived alone and her grand niece would come to visit every summer. One summer she showed up and she was HOT!!! 1986… fuck I am old…

  2. Do you think she was celebrating 40 years to be free of him or she lost it after she lost him?
    I didn’t have the luxury of that entertainment from a neighbor so we made our own fun. We used to stand on the corner of my block at the stop sign which was 2 blocks from Perry Street and when the cars would stop we would ask them if they knew where Perry Street was.
    Definately nerdy.

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