She rode the 29 Centre Street bus into town every morning at 7 o-clock without fail and arrived at work each morning for 8. She was always one of the first to get there, but mostly because she liked to make herself a protein shake and some eggs before starting her day. She kept all of the ingredients in the fridge at work labeled with her name, that way, no one would take them, or confuse them with the sperm samples.
One morning shortly before nine, a dodgy looking character wandered in from the street. He looked scruffy, unshaven, and perhaps even a little embarrassed.
“Uh how much do you guys pay for sperm samples?”
“Well sir… it’s not exactly that cut & dry. It’s a process which can take several weeks to get approved. We don’t just accept any sperm.”
“Oh, so I can’t just come in, masturbate get paid and leave?”
“Not exactly. If it worked like that we’d be out of business.”
She surveyed the look of disappointment on his face before adding “but if you are accepted, the monetary gain can be substantial, and as much as a few thousand dollars per year. ”
His ears perked and his eyes widened “really? So I could start the process today then?”
“Of course. We will need to ask some extensive medical history questions as well as conduct some blood work and analyze your sperm before we can approve you, but we can get started today if you’re interested.”
“Okay, sure why the hell not.”
She smiled and handed him a cup. “If you head down the hall there you’ll see a private masturbation room on your left. Get comfortable, read some magazines, put on some DVDs and stay in there as long as you’d like. When you are finished, bring the sperm sample to me.”
About ten minutes passed before she started hearing some shocking grunting and swearing coming from down the hall… things that she didn’t normally hear from the masturbation rooms, the men were usually pretty quiet about it. She crept down the hall with wide eyes to listen in;
“oh fuck… yeah… you dirty whore. FUCK ME! COME ON”
If she didn’t know any better she would have sworn he was in there with a whore from down the street, an expensive one at that!
Finally he emerged 30 minutes later with his cup full of happy juice. He handed it to her and quickly headed for the door.
“HEY WAIT… Mr. Johnson. We’re not finished.”
“Oh I am.” He said smiling. “Honestly ma’am… I’m from out of town and I really needed to take care of myself if you know what I mean… My girlfriend Blue Balled me this morning and then kicked me out. So I had to get it out of my system… I just figured that I was gonna do it anyway, so if I could get paid to do it, it’d be even better.”
She looked at him perplexed and annoyed and said “and you couldn’t find a bedroom, a bathroom, or somewhere a little more appropriate than a sperm bank to get jiggy with it?”
He raised an eyebrow “no free porn in those places.”
“Ugh… GET OUT OF HERE!” she shouted. “I’m sick of dealing with you wankers!”