Ambitious Stone

They say you can kill TWO birds with ONE stone…
Yeah… Well I’ve been assassinating shithawks all day and not once have I had a double homicide with one throw!
And as I look around; at the wasted feathered cadavers splattered on the pavement, I think to myself… Why the fuck am I taking birds out?
They’re not here to murder anybody. Except for maybe a worm…
And the worst they do is shit on you.
But yeah… That really sucks too.
Maybe they do deserve it…
Maybe that does warrant an untimely death by way of cast stone to the brain in mid flight.
But first let’s let them get some height.
Watch in awe at the majestic sight.
Of a bird who doesn’t know, That it is about to meet…
A concrete grave below.
Because WE, we are out to get them.
And I, I am out to get them.
Here to cast our stones, Lessen their time on earth.
Let them take flight for a moment or two.
And then…
Bye bye birdie.
It’s been a slice.
You really look like you could have been nice
But I am told that you must pay this price
And with this rock, I will roll my dice!
So down you come my feathered friend.
For this is your untimely end.
And hopefully you’re not the only one…
That will die with this ONE ambitious stone.
That was artfully thrown.
At you and your clone.
Mid flight.
Nighty Night.
Each stone, with the hope of something more.
With a goal I can’t ignore.
Just give me TWO birds with ONE stone
And let me revel in the glory of this idiom thrown.


9 thoughts on “Ambitious Stone

  1. Yeah, that poem remided me of when I killed a seagull in mid-flight with a football in grade 8. They called it in to the Humane Society and everything. (Needless to say it went on my Permanent Record…)

    …Or how I spent my summer holidays when I was 11. I sniped over 400 birds with a pellet gun in six weeks at grandma’s house. Actually shot two with one “stone” that summer. What a sick kid I was.

    Oh… plus the irony I might add is that my mother runs a bird sanctuary and devotes her life to the rehabilitation of birds…

    Ok I’ll shut up now…

  2. Nice one, SeLiNa!

    I’m a bit concerned about pho3n1x though…That’s a lot of birds…I hope he doesn’t have Hitchcockian nightmares…

    Another good way to kill two birds with one stone is to get a pair of them into a sack…you choose how…and then to tie a large stone to said sack…Then dash to the nearest body of water and voila! I discovered this at a “Thinking Outside The Box” weekend seminar in the early ’90s…(It was not part of the curriculum…More of a side project)…

    I hope all is well these days and that you’re having a swell weekend.

    Take care out there!

    Your Pal,


  3. “And let me revel in the glory of this idiom thrown.”

    Damn, not only is that a killer line, it’s also a killer way to end this piece. Zambo’s comment got me thinking, it made me think that I need to start going to “Thinking Outside the Box” seminars too!!! Maybe then I can snuff (ok, maybe just irritate) some corporate annoyances of mine too. LoL

    Great piece Lingo, a bit hectic … but isn’t that always the point ?!?!?! 😉

  4. I like this one. I like them all. A lot to read into it if you look past the birds…deep and I understand…as strange as that may be.

  5. pho3n1x: birds suck! i’m sure nobody even noticed the lack of birds in the area that summer… People were probably happy about how little they had to wash their cars compared to normal. the irony of that story though.

    zambo: hey pal nice to see you! 🙂 I much prefer your creative “thinking outside the box” method to mine. it sounds fun too! i might just have to try that!

    steve: i agree

    mion: thank you! i was proud of that last line actually. it tied it all up nicely in a nice little pink polka dot bow. i don’t think i’ve ever written anything that wasn’t a bit hectic… and if i ever do, it would be a sad day for lingo… and i might just have to off myself.

    pegasus: thanks sister. as always, appreciate you stopping in and commenting. i like to go deep with some of these crazy pieces. this one has several different layers. i’m glad you caught them.

    chico: i always do things the hard way… and i never fucking learn. what is the definition of that (when you keep doing something the same way over and over but expect a different result each time?!)… oh yah, insanity!! the path of least resistance is always filled with marshmallows and dandylions… maybe i’ll have to take that route next time!

  6. yah. give it a shot sometime. i actually sleep on a bed made entirely of marshmallows and dandelions. i’ll never forget, though, one night i fell asleep with a lit cigarette in my mouth (my damn oral fixation and all)…on the plus side, i did enjoy some rather tasty toasted marshmallows that night…

    oh well.

    live and freakin’ learn…

  7. Hey Lingo…

    Just wanted to drop by and wish you an early HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I know that its on Friday…but i won’t be around to send you an email on that day.

    a BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you and many wishes of health, love an happiness sent your way.

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