He walked in the front door of Destiny Massage keeled over in pain. The sultry Asian receptionist licked her lips and said “hey big boy, what can we do for you?”
“My sciatica” he whined “I can barely move”
She looked at him with furrowed brows (quite obviously confused) and a blank stare on her face.
“I am really in pain… I need some help. Can you fit me in?” he asked
She laughed “well, I don’t know big boy… just how BIG are you?”
She winked, “I’m sure one of our girls can handle you…”
He (now also confused) scratched his head and said “You guys ARE a massage therapy place right? The sign outside said Destiny Massage..”
She stood up and leaned against the reception desk laughing so hard that her eyes squeezed tightly together forcing tears to trickle out. She could barely catch her breath.
Still laughing and patting him on the head she said “Oh honey… We do massage… Just not “that” kind of massage!”
He turned beat red and immediately shoved his (ringed) left hand in his pant pocket.
“Well, I don’t know where else I could go at this time” he said. “Will one of the girls give me a massage if I ask for one?”
“They’ll do whatever you want Big Boy.”
He removed his jacket cautiously and followed the receptionist behind a Japanese screen and down a narrow hallway of doors, to the 5th door on the Left, and the only one that was open.
There was a beautiful Chinese woman standing in the room naked beside a bed. She had long flowing Black hair, perfect little breasts. She was holding a fan in front of her fanny fanning it seductively.
He cleared his throat and said “Uhhh Hi… I’m uhhh looking for a massage.”
She slowly walked towards him and bowed to the receptionist prior to her departure from the room. She lead him by the hand to the bed encouraging him to sit down.
“You want boom boom or yum yum?” she asked?
“$75 yum yum… $100 boom boom”
He stared down at his raging hard on and said “ummmm the second one, i’ll take the second one.”
She slid her naked beautiful body on top of him and he quivered in fear as she skillfully unzipped his pants with her teeth.
His pants were around his ankles and his penis straight up in the air, when all of a sudden he shouted “NO!!! I can’t do this… I just came here for a massage!”
She jumped off of him angrily and robed herself before throwing his $100 in his face. “You go now!” she shouted back.
He grabbed his jacket from the closet and ran out of the massage parlour. He could hear the receptionist cackling in the background.
He got into his car and sighed. He sat there for a few minutes in the parking lot thinking about his dead grandmother, his fat trainwreck of a boss who had terrible halitosis, and the image of Rita MacNeil and Rosie O’Donnell donut bumping at a Sara McLachlan concert.
Finally his penis fell limp and his thoughts returned to his chronic back pain.