I don’t have this life thing figured out yet, but I think I’m getting close.
I’m getting close because I can listen to my heart beat and decode and decipher each individual beat… the language of my heart… The language of my heart tells me when something is right. The language of my heart tells me when something is wrong. And the language of my heart never strings me along.
I’m getting close because I care less and less about what others think and more about what I think. Because at the end of the day it’s me who has to stand in front of the mirror, it’s me who has to live with my intentions, my decisions, and even my revisions.
I’m getting close because I look at my daughters and I want them to have what I didn’t, I want them to be who I wasn’t, I want them to learn what I didn’t, but do it their own way, and if that’s not what they want… then “hey”.
I’m getting close because I am not haunted by my past. I don’t dwell on things that happened or didn’t happen. I don’t regret or forget, or even get upset. I don’t look behind me, I always look ahead. I look forward because it’s not what happened yesterday that matters today, but what happens today that matters now, and what will happen tomorrow that will matter then.
I’m getting close because it’s the little things in life that I am starting to take notice of. The simple things. The daily things. The things with no strings. Things like a hot cup of tea, watching my daughters play, and having a nice dinner, and not worrying about wanting to be thinner.
I’m getting close because I can see the beauty and wisdom that comes with age. I don’t want to stop the aging process, I don’t want to stay young forever and I am excited about one day being a funky grandma with a lot of tattoos and a strange obsession with black cats, vintage wine, and continuing to write, refine and shine.
So maybe I don’t have this life thing figured out yet, and maybe I never will, but if I don’t, at least I can say I came close. And maybe the beauty rests in never quite figuring it out… Maybe it’s the journey that matters most, the awareness, the learning, the growing, the soul searching, the trying, the loving, and eventually; the dying