I woke up one morning and I looked beside me and said “shit… what time is it?”. I looked at my alarm clock and it was 9:54 am. I was supposed to be at work an hour and fifty four minutes ago. I panicked and sprung from my bed. I scrambled for the phone and called my boss… I left him a frantic message, something about how my power went out, my daughter had a rash and my car ran out of gas. “Yeah… that should do it” I thought to myself.
I showed up at work at 11:10 am ready to face the day. I got some weird looks from people but disregarded them as I went down to the cafeteria to get my omelette and coffee. I logged into my network at 11:30. My phone was flashing so I checked my messages. One of them was from my boss “Selina… When you get in, come and see me immediately” *click! I hyperventilated a bit before chugging my Columbian coffee. I straightened my blouse, cleared my throat and confidently strolled over to my bosses office as if I were a fucking shining beacon of a role model employee. I waltzed in there with the confidence of Miss America and sat in my throne before him as he looked at me with weak eyes and shut the door behind me.
“Look… You’re a great person, and I like you… but you really aren’t cut out for this job”
“What do you mean?’ I asked in a caught off guard (but not really) sort of way.
“Well… It’s just that… You show up every day at 10 and 11 o-clock, you spend half of the day surfing the net and the other half going out to get your nails done or having drinks with friends. I just don’t think you’re committed to your job. You just don’t seem to care about much around here.”
“Okay… so what are you saying.”
“I’m saying that you need to get your act together. If you don’t, we’re gonna have to let you go and give your job to someone who actually wants to do it.”
“Ohhhh I get it… Because I have an ounce of independence coupled with a drive to succeed outside of the confines of this corporate confinement, you wanna bring me down. You don’t actually want me to succeed… Unless of course my definition of success matches the definition of sucesss that you are looking for.”
“Look. I don’t want to argue with you. I’m trying to help you.”
“Of course you are!”
“All I’m asking is that you change a few things and you could make it very far within this organization. Hell, you could even be senior management if you pulled it together. You’re smart enough and certainly strategic enough… You just have to want to.”
“So do you?”
“Do I what?”
“Do you want to succeed?”
“Of course I want to succeed!”
“But do you want to succeed within the organization?”
“Can I be honest here for a second Chet?!”
“Well then… Not really.”
“Yeah… I just couldn’t really give less of a shit… And I guess that’s my problem.”
“Well then… I don’t really know what to say.”
“Am I fired?”
“No… But just try not to go against the grain so much okay?!”
I left his office and headed back to my 6 x 6 cubicle and checked my personal emails, chatted on MSN for a bit and then went out for a smoke while I pondered the possibilities of my life. At 4 o-clock I checked out for the day and rode out the next hour gossiping with coworkers about the political hierarchy of Survivor!