I often wonder what impact my childhood had on who I am today. Did I turn out the way I did as a direct result of how my parents raised me, or did I just get programmed with these very complex genes?! How come my brother and sister don’t seem to be afflicted with the same set of issues that I am dealing with?!
My parents aren’t exactly the most lovestruck couple in the world. I think they like eachother (sometimes) but they aren’t soulmates or the kind of couple that holds hands when they go for walks. In fact, they don’t even go for walks… and when their resentful eyes meet you can sometimes feel the coolness of the stare and can almost hear the thoughts if you’re quiet (usually “that fucking prick” or that “miserable bitch”). Oh yes… Is that what I have to look forward to one day?! A loveless marriage that stems from convenience and comfort rather than truth. Not on my watch!
They get along sometimes and are even capable of enjoying eachothers company at times, but these two are not a match made in heaven! They are like some e-Harmony story gone wrong. I have always expected that they would divorce… yet year after year, they somehow make it through without killing eachother or themselves. It’s a weird sort of existence, and not one that I would necessarily strive for… but it’s their dynamic, I guess.
I just find it kind of sad that’s all. Just seems wrong to me! This strange “way”. Although some people will disagree with me and say “that’s what marriage is… it takes work… it’s not easy… You really have to work at it… blah blah blah”. You know what I think?! I think It should never be work to love someone! It should never be hard to look at that person each day and think how lucky you are to be with them! Years of resentment coupled with silence and unspoken words of anger are not part of this equation. That’s not marriage! Dare I say, that’s not even love!
Am I wrong?! If so, I can live with that… I will continue to believe that I am right!
We only get one shot at this thing called life. One chance… One chance to live, yet many chances to love… I guess it just depends on what your interpretation of love is. Love, like art is subjective. Maybe marriage just isn’t what it used to be. There has definitely been a culture shift. My generation does not view relationships the same way as my parents generation does… and there is an even further disconnect from what their parents believed. With each generation, the traditional views of relationships seem to be challenged and questioned. I wonder if my daughters will even believe in marriage when they are my age…
Oh… and thanks mom and dad, for the healthy view of relationships you’ve provided me with! No need to feel guilty though, I am figuring this stuff out (slowly but surely)! Love you both, but GOD DAMN people!!!