never ending cycle of bullshit

i’ve been reading through my novel lately and something very unconstructive transpired… an abundance of self-doubt and criticism!

here i am, i should be thankful that i even finished a damn novel, and all i can think is “this sucks”… “i hate this”…. “if i only changed this and this and maybe this”. this is not a healthy cycle for me to be in. i can’t even finish editing it because the urge to scrap it is so strong… the urge to rewrite big chunks of it is rampant in my mind… if i start playing that game, i’ll never be done with it. i think i just need to get rid of it… send it out AS IS and stop criticizing it, because i actually liked it at one time. i thought it was well written, even a couple of beta readers told me they loved it. but i am the kind of person that likes to wash their hands of things once they’ve been written, don’t like to look back, only forward. i don’t like to edit, i don’t like to read it again, and i don’t even like to look at it anymore. i just wanna create it and get rid of it… and unfortunately, novel writing doesn’t exactly work that way.

i don’t know… i can’t even write a proper blog post because i’m sitting here wondering what to do with this damn book! if i’m gonna make this writing thing happen i need to stop these deconstructive thought processes from happening, otherwise i’ll never get anything published, because it will NEVER be good enough.

anyway, that’s my pissing and moaning for the day… maybe tomorrow i’ll actually be able to write something worth reading! for now i’m going to la-la land where i will hopefully get to fly through cotton candy clouds and swim in chocolate rivers.

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8 thoughts on “never ending cycle of bullshit

  1. Unfortunately, editing is a huge part of writing. We all hate doing it. There are times when I hate my novel and want nothing to do with it and there are other times when I love it. You have to decide whether or not it’s worth it to you to keep working on it. If anything, make sure that all of the grammar, spelling and formatting is in order before you send it out. It could be a quick death sentence for your novel if it’s not technically sound.

  2. What kind of book did you write? I was blog hoppping around, but as soon as I hear something about a book I’m all ears. lol. Don’t you have someone that can run through it for edits and structure so you don’t have to? It may be easier for you that way.

  3. Hey SeLiNa!

    I like your new profile pic!

    As for the novel, maybe just send it out and get started on your next one. (Otherwise you could end up revising and re-writing indefinitely. At worst, you might get feedback about areas that may require some revisions, but I’m sure they’ll like the overall feel of it).

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

    Take care out there, SeLiNa!

    Your Pal,

    Zambo.

    P.S.

    You’re good enough.
    You’re smart enough.
    And Doggone it, people like you!

  4. Yeah, get back to blogging… it’d suck to see another post like this. Why the fuck would you need to write a novel anyway? Seriously…

    (how’s that for inspiration)

  5. DC: Yes, I think part of the problem is that I am sick of thinking about this fucking book. I am working on a 2nd one though, but I can’t totally focus on it because this one is still looming over me.

    Fred: Yah, i’m not big on editing… I just like writing, although I do try to be very particular about my choice of wording, spelling, and grammar. Guess i’ll have to find myself a kick-ass editor.

    Jazz: I wrote a fiction novel about a lost young woman who finds herself in a whirlwind life of drugs and partying. The novel is the journey of her finding herself.

    Zambo: Thanks Pal. Stuart Smalley is always comforting! Now, where’s my mirror dammit!

    Steve: I ask myself that question every day… I continue to do it while asking myself though, so it appears I don’t have much control over it, it’s a life sentence.

    Chico: I know… I do. And you’re right. Thanks for your email too.

  6. Selina, drop the crack rock.

    You write posts that are off the hook and get major linkbacks.

    Web development is also very much like writing a novel. Self-expression leads to critism from others.

    Fuck ’em. Your writing is fantastic. Even my drunk ass can make sense of it.

    Take care, girl.

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