I feel so damn special right now! I have my very own stalker! I thought this day would never come… I didn’t think I was stalker-worthy, but apparantly I am!! How fucking cool is that?! Someone actually thinks i’m interesting enough to spend copious amounts of time learning all there is to learn about me (in a limited “what i choose to share” perspective). It’s funny though because I rarely even check my statistics, but I have been lately because it’s hard not to notice someone stalking you to this degree.
Granted I have visited people’s sites a few times in a day, especially if I haven’t had time to read all that I wanted to (who hasn’t?!)… But this… this is different you see. I am very good at analyzing this sort of behaviour, and this kat is quite interested in me! Not so much my writing… or my site… but ME specifically! It’s not a “i’m gonna dig through your archives and read more of your stuff cuz i like your style” sort of thing. In fact, it has zero to do with my writing!
The stalking has been happening for a couple of weeks now and has been more concentrated and intense the past few days. I’m wondering if i’m going to get one of those letters in the mail… you know like one of the ones that Whitney got in The Bodyguard! But what would I do if I got one of those letters? I don’t have a Bodyguard… I don’t even have a cat anymore… But I do know some Tae Kwon Do (which is always helpful) and the lil’ divas are pretty scary sometimes too, so hopefully they can help! I know that I feel like running when their little banshee-like screams hit an octave so high that it sends deafening sound waves shattering through the atmosphere. And I have been headbutted in the face a few times by them!
Maybe my stalker will come to my house one day… Hide in the bushes, dig through my garbage, watch me through some high-end night vision super-stalker 3000 stalking binoculars… Follow me to work, follow me to the grocery store, to my friends house, tap my phone. The possibilities are endless!
Maybe my stalker will realize that I am just some chick with a website who writes some fucking strange shit once in a while, and who has something called a “stat tracker” (two of them actually) which tells me who is on my site, where they’re from, how they got there, how long they stayed, how many times they visited, and what they looked at.
I’m flattered though, really! And (to you stalker) if you’d like to out yourself, feel free to do so via the comments box in this post (that is, if you have the balls) since you have yet to comment on my site in the thousands of visits and countless hours you’ve been here. If not, no worries… I know who you are! Maybe i’ll come stalk you for a change!
Occupational hazard… I know!