I slid into the steamy bath… It was so hot that I think I heard my skin sizzle when I made contact with the water. I eased in until my entire body was immersed in what felt like hot molten lava. Soon my lungs began to feel as though they were going to cave in, I got light headed and felt like a heart attack was just around the corner. I liked this, it was soothing.
I stared up at the ceiling for a second or two and then closed my eyes and let my body curl into the fetal position beneath the water. My thoughts drifted to the problems in my life, the problems in my soul, and the war in my mind. Realizing that this was far too heavy for me to think about I began instead dissecting my body part by part, because that was easier for me to tackle and I had the answers to those problems, or at least I thought I did.
“Hmmm I wonder how much it would cost to get lipo on my tummy and thighs?” I thought to myself… “Oh god, look at these arms… What the fuck? What is this jiggly shit anyway?”…. “I should so get a mini face-lift, I think it’s sagging, they’re much safer these days too, everybody’s doing it”… “I am never gonna have time to get to the gym, I should just spring for the lipo… Or what about that gastric bypass, yeah… seemed to work for Star Jones, even though she’s not really that funny anymore and she looks like she had her soul sucked out through her eyelids… but yah… I should look into that”.
I opened my eyes when I realized that water was seeping into my occular cavities and my face was just about completely under water. I sprung up and sat on the edge of the bath staring down at my pale milky white thighs thinking about how much work all of those body modifications would require… And diggin’ the idea of any sort of surgery less and less.
“Yeah… I think i’m just gonna go get hammered instead, it requires much less effort. I have a nice vintage bottle of Mazi Amarone in the fridge with my name on it. In a couple of hours I will look into the mirror and be enamoured with the stunning beauty staring back at me…”
And two hours later, I was happy! I had those glossy little pie like sparkles in my eye and the smile could not be erased or botoxed off of my beaming little face. And then I passed out.