Frame for Frame

She bowled in a league each Monday with a team called “The Monday Morning Miracles”. Her husband would go out to cheer her on and get drunk on the sidelines with the other bowling husbands while their wives knocked pins down and threw balls around like it was the most important thing they had ever done. The husbands would sneer and snicker at their wives inferior scores, arthritic form and gutter balls, but then kiss them on the cheek after each frame and say “good job honey”.

One evening, before heading out to the alley, she called her son Michael (who was miles away livin’ it up in the big city). Something was feeling off… Something wasn’t right… Mothers intuition was having a fucking parade in her consciousness and kicking her in the teeth repeatedly. Either that, or perhaps it was the 6 coffees and lack of sleep.

“Hi honey. How’ve you been?”

“Oh hi mom. I’m fine. Getting’ by, you know.”

“Good. Work is okay? Things going well?”

“Yes it’s fine… Everything is fine mom.”

“Are you dating anybody?”

“Yes actually… I am seeing somebody. His name is Kaseer. He’s really nice.”

“Kaseer… What kind of a name is that?”

“He’s Middle Eastern.”

“Boy you really do love those middle eastern men don’t you Michael?! When are you going to settle down? You’re always jumping around from relationship to relationship. You know John and Heather just had their second child and Jennifer just got engaged.”

(no response)

“So, this kaseer… What does he do?”

“Well, he’s actually learning to be a pilot right now… But his other job is in the government buildings. He’s just a cleaner… But that’s just temporary until he has his full pilots license. He’s really knowledgeable and smart. He knows the city really well too… Knows all the best routes to take, the best restaurants. Speaks 3 languages. He’s awesome!”

{Gasp} “I just knew it” {sobbing softly into the phone}

“Mom… are you okay, what’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong? You’re dating a terrorist that’s what’s wrong! And Michael I am just glad that I called when I did. I am glad that this is coming out before it’s too late. You need to end this relationship Michael. It’s dangerous.”

{sobbing and sniffling continues}

“Ummm I think all of that stale smoke filled air and shoe deodorizer from the bowling alley is getting to your head mom.”

“I watch CNN honey I know what these terrorists do. Don’t you see it? Don’t you watch the news honey. I am worried about you. I don’t want you to be blown up in a public place. You’re too young to die.”

“Yah… Ummm, I don’t really know what to say mom… How’s dad?”

“He’s fine. He’s still drinking too much and needs to cut down on his salt intake, but he’s been helping around the house more.”

“Good. Well listen mom. I gotta go now. I’m meeting Kaseer at the CN Tower for lunch. Love you. Bye!”


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