Finding Peace in Abnormality

dollyinpram.jpg

A much younger Lingo in Prestatyn U.K.

I recently made peace with the fact that I am not normal and never really have been. I am infact so far from normal that I wouldn’t even know how to get there even if I wanted to. Normal (for the purpose of this blog entry) meaning “like others”, in the sense of living my life in accordance to what the status quo is and in a way that would make mom proud.

Sometimes I wonder if the fact that my daughters have only ever been exposed to house music, acid jazz and rock will screw them up. They don’t know all those little nursery rhymes that kids are supposed to know, but they get pretty damn excited when i’m crankin’ Jamiroquai on the way to daycare. And why is it that I get looks from people when i’m driving in my car with the girlies and the tunes cranked, windows open singing and groovin’…. Do people think that this is child abuse?

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever not want any more tattoos and find that magical number of contentment. I wonder if I will ever give up on writing bizarre, disturbing and sexually charged fiction, poetry, and lyrics. Will I ever fit in at the office by being that person who is much better at my job than I am? Maybe even show up on time… Crazy talk!

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever tone down my wardrobe and start shopping at The Gap. Maybe buy some shirts that don’t expose any cleavage, don’t have any controversial or saucy sayings on them, and can be found in every colour imagineable.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever stop questioning authority and finding beauty in flaw. Or will I ever stop seeking truth and be willing to sacrifice anything and everything to get to it.

I think my mind would be a much friendlier and tranquil place if I learned to accept and embrace normality. Unfortunately, I don’t think that will ever happen. So I need to meditate.

You know what I think?….

I am gonna end up being of those crazy old ladies who has 20 cats (okay, maybe 10… and ALL black), I will still be dying my hair some funky colour, I will relentlessly resist the cropped white perm look. I will not wear orthopedic shoes… I’ll still be rockin’ the pumas and strappy heels. I’ll still be dancing, the music won’t stop for me, ever! I’ll still be writing fucked up shit. I’ll still be questioning authority. I’ll still be creating art. I’ll still be hoping my daughters don’t blame me for their lack of a normal upbringing. I will still be me. I don’t know how to be anything else.

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12 thoughts on “Finding Peace in Abnormality

  1. SeLina,
    I’m not sure that living your life in a way that pleases Mom is the definition of normal. It’s probably more like Mom’s definition of acceptable.

    I suspect that you will change over time. The clothing and tatoos and all the other stuff of today will change to something else tomorrow. One day you might even teach the spawn a little fairy tale (or better yet, one of your own poems). That’s not such a bad thing and that, by anyone’s standard, is “normal”.

    But even if they all happens, it’s because you choose to make it happen. If you’re smart, you’ll change when it fits and stand pat when it doesn’t. That’s not a struggle, that’s just “normal” too.

    So here’s the thing. I think you’re perfectly normal, even if you don’t want to be, but that ain’t a bad thing. Just be yourself. It’s too damned exhausting to be anyone else.

    I’ll climb down off my “old coot’s box now”.

  2. Kitty doesn’t seem to mind you hangin’ onto it’s tail. 😛

    My Guitarist from my old band has two girls that grew up to loud rock n’ roll while we jamed and practiced at his place.

    They’re now two very good musicians.

    What the hell would “Bah-bah Black sheep” ever do?

    Nothing, that’s what.

    So crank the tunes and have fun!

    That’s my opinion, and your entitled to it.

  3. I gave up on normality about… 30 years ago when I was 1.

    Normality is overrated. Why be like those muppets out there with the intellect that makes a blade of grass say “Thank God I ain’t one of them”?

    Abnormal people are better than normal people. Name one single NORMAL person in history. You simply can’t do it. They were either druggies, ADHD, suffered depression, or whatever.

    Normal people don’t do anything with their lives and as such are simply wastes of air.

    True story.

  4. If you ever changed… you wouldn’t be the same Lingo that we all luv.

    You are NORMAL… because you keep it real. You are honest and truthful about the world around you. You don’t live your life to meet the standards of what is “acceptable”, because “acceptable” limits people’s freedom of expression and when people are limited to express themselves, they lose their identity.

    You are a strong independent woman, mother and friend.

    How different would this blog be if you suddenly were like everyone else?

  5. I wouldn’t even bother trying to be normal. In my experience, these so called Normal people are 10 times more bizzare than they let anyone see.

  6. I think we all define “normal” in different ways. Be whatever is normal to you, so long as you’re not hurting yourself or anyone else (literally). There’s a big difference between being abnormal vs. marching to your own tune vs. being certifiable.

  7. Huh… We have a lot of commonality except for the whole shopping for clothes without cleavage thing or being couped up with a perm and 10 black cats (we have 4).

    I was thinking of having either Rancid or Bad Religion (21st Century Digital Boy) playing on my iPod situated in the corner of the delivery when my son is born here in a couple of weeks. Oh yes, he will play guitar. He will rock out… He will rightfully be concerned about his eardrums at 30, but if he ever gets a tattoo or smokes a joint or drinks before he is 21, I will beat his ass!!!

  8. Hey SeLiNa.

    Keep doing what you’re doing, kid! “Normal” is pretty subjective anyway…

    I like the pic, by the way! Multi-tasking at such a young age! You’ve got the baby under control and the pussy tamed! Most of us could learn from you!

    Take care out there!

    Your Pal,

    Zambo.

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