Suicidal Tendancies

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Why is it that you wait until precisely the moment that I am driving past before swooping down in front of my car to tempt death before my very eyes?! Do you think that I am going to brake every single time? Because I assure you I will not. Granted I may have gasped and slammed on my brakes more than a few times in the past, but I am quickly coming to the realization that you are not of superior intelligence and have obvious suicidal tendancies… I can’t blame you though really… I mean if my life consisted of sitting in a dirty nest, digging for worms and flying EXACTLY the way my fellow bird cohorts were flying, I’d be feeling pretty unfulfilled and empty too. no individuality. just one of the flock..yah, I’d wanna take myself out by way of oncoming traffic too!

Problem is, I don’t care if you die… I don’t even care if it’s me that kills you… but I do care about having to clean your bird brains off of my vehicle! I have a very sensitive gag reflex you see… and the slightest bad smell, horrid sight, or mere suggestion of something nasty will make me ill. I certainly respect your death wishes though, and I do see them as totally warranted! I mean, it’s cool that you can fly and all, but that must get old after a while… see for me, I’d love to fly, but that’s only because I can’t… once I could, I’d probably lose interest… like you… you’d probably love to drive… but you can’t for various reasons… so instead you’re left envious, jealous, and suicidal… the grass is always greener on the other side isn’t it?!

So my unenlightened, disgruntled feathered friends… the next time you decide to swoop your fate tempting ass in front of my car, know that the only thing that keeps you from certain death is the inconvenience of me having to clean your guts off of my car!

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5 thoughts on “Suicidal Tendancies

  1. It’s bad enough driving down the 401 with hundreds of bugs splattered all over the front of the car…let alone a little bird who can see trees through the other side of a window.

    SPLAT!!

    ugh

  2. Squirrels seems to have deeper suicidal tendencies and they’re more independent than birds. So,I don’t think it’s boredom. I think it’s eating too many fermented berries.

    Little natural winos wandering into traffic. It all begins to make sense to me now.

  3. Hey SeLiNa!

    I hope all is well.

    Sorry about England…

    I’m catching up after a little long-weekend getaway…

    They (whoever “they” are) say that if you do manage to hit a bird with your car, that chances are it would probably have died anyway ’cause something’s wrong with it…perhaps suicidal tendencies…We’ve found four dead birds in our pool skimmer since we opened it for the season…I think it might be a suicide hotspot for them…Or it’s a dumping ground for a bird serial killer…I suspect the cardinal…But seriously, we were a little worried and called the West Nile hotline…A recorded message tells you to double-bag the bird and discard it with your trash, unless it’s a crow…then they might call you back…maybe.

    Anyway, I hope all is well out there, SeLiNa!

    Your Pal,

    Zambo.

    P.S.
    I found one of those church sign generators that I thought you’d appreciate…

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