Superiority Complex

“Hi can I speak to Miss Slinger please?”“Speaking”

“This is Mr. Wanker from A-Hole Collections. I’m calling in regards to a past due account with UWontGo Fitness. There is an outstanding balance of $65 and the account has been handed over to us. Your credit is in severe jeopardy if you don’t pay this off immediately.”

“Okay okay don’t get your panties in a twist there Mr. Wanker. I will go pay them tomorrow.”

“Unfortunately you’ll need to resolve this matter immediately Miss Slinger, otherwise we will have to proceed with further action. This could severely impact your credit.”

“Further action? What does that mean?”

“Legal action.”
“Ha ha… For $65?! What do you think I’m stupid? Gimme a break… Honestly. No offence Mr. Wanker, but I’ll go into the gym who I actually have the contract with and pay them directly. I don’t really wanna deal with someone like you.”

“Are you telling me you can’t come up with $65 Miss Slinger?”

“No… I’m telling you that you’re a prick and I don’t want to give YOU my $65.” “You really don’t need to get nasty with us Miss Slinger. I am trying to help you here. I am trying to save your credit report from being severely tarnished. You won’t be able to get credit for a very long time if your bureau is bad.”

“You’re trying to help me eh… You know what would help me?! If you would hang up this phone and call someone else who actually has an account worth collecting on… maybe someone that you can manipulate, because your bullshit doesn’t work on me. I will pay the gym directly… What are they gonna do refuse payment? I doubt it.”

“Well this is going to have to proceed to legal action then. That’s obviously the route that you are choosing. Today was the deadline and unless you pay up the account before end of day, then you’ll have to appear in court.”{laughing uncontrollably} “ohhh God… this is the most entertainment I’ve had all week. Thank you Mr. Wanker… Thank you… I so needed this laugh today! ”

{getting frustrated} “Don’t you care about your credit report?”

“Not as much as I care about NOT PAYING a condescending, jaded little bastard with a superiority complex.”

“See you in court Miss Slinger!!” [Click]

{uncontrollable laughter continues}


13 thoughts on “Superiority Complex

  1. I hear that those “collection agencies” can be really evil. Good friend of mine wasn’t able to pay his student loans, it went to collections, and they were on his ass like grass. The phone never stopped ringing, they berated him, and even threatened him.

    I told him to tape all of his conversations from then on, take them to the police, and then to the news agencies. It worked out well, they only called back one more time to apologize, and then settled on one low bulk payment.

    Hahahahah, that’ll teach them fuckers to mess with my pal.


  2. Maybe they need to call me, Over $6,000.
    It’s funny you should post this. I had a Credit card about 5 years ago I think and still owe 6K on it. I moved and never left any forwarding address, today I get a, “we’ll accept $3K as a settlement and all you need to do is pay $1.5K in 10 days and then another $1.7K next month, letter in the mail. How the fuck did they get this address!!!??? AFTER 5 YEars!!!?

    YEa let me put that extra $3K outa my arse where I keep all my savings. Pfffft!

  3. I know its against the law for them to herass you, but can they charge Slinger for herassing them??? I love it, I hate bill collectors. I go by my middle name Jason, so it confuses bill collectors when there looking for Steven. I tell them this is me, Jason, and this is my cell, so quit fucking calling it.
    Ah who needs credit anyways. If it came to me in bill form, it didn’t get paid. I actually had one credit source send me a letter saying after 6 years of lying to them to get them off the phone and ignoring all letters sent to me, “We give up.” I wish I still had that letter. I am now currently trying to fix my credit without using bankruptcy, I did it, so I can fix it.

  4. nice, i hate collection bastards. and the sad thing is they will fuck your credit up.(being recently divorced **and fucked with no lube** i can speak from experience) I once had one tell me to sell my posessions on ebay to pay the bill… what a bunch of pukes!

  5. And I am down wondering what $65 translate to in USA Dollars, 45? 50? So a gym hires a collection agency to harass you to pay. What does that cost? 20? 30? And all they get is the difference? What you need to do is tell the collection agency that the gym violated it’s conctract. Mention something about clean towels or sweat free machines. Refer to a Seinfeld episode. If you can dig up something stupid that violates the contract then what the agency is participating in is extortion. Ask for superiors and addresses. They’ll back off then.
    I wrecked my old Porsche in San Francisco. I ran a red light but the police never came, even when I called. The car was driveable but I smelled something fishy with the cab driver who I ran into. Like his name he told me in Punjab was different to the Muslim name on his ID. I told his insurance company that he asked me for cash and insisted I pay a number he made up at the scene. I also told his insurance company that he was defiant when I asked for his address and phone or his boss’s name. I also said I wasn’t allowed to interview his passengers and that other cab drivers prevented me from doing anything. I totally made this shit up on the spot and I asked them to contact my insurance company for further contact. I had already told the made up story to my company! I had my claim of $2k paid entirely and was never cited. I ran a red light! He probably got fired. I am such a shit. But hey, if you smell a loophole, you have got to take it!!

  6. Selina, that was me who called. Why the cold shoulder? I think we really need to re-evaluate our relationship… AGAIN.


    Much love!

  7. I had something similar happen to me. The caller was much nicer, but she got really agitated when I insisted that I would send the check directly to the company I owed, rather than giving her my credit card number over the phone.

  8. Oh SeLiNa!

    You right all the stuff people wish they had the balls to say or do!

    That was pretty funny!

    Poor Mr. Wankypants…

    I’m a bit behind, but I gotta comment on today’s post too!

    Your Pal,


  9. MacBros: Dam dude, keep moving, they can’t track you down forever.

    steve: “But hey, if you smell a loophole, you have got to take it!” Hehe, that’s evel, but I respect a good yarn, lmao.

  10. Hi again SeLiNa.

    I was so eager to comment on your two most recent posts that I spelled “write” as “right”…Uggh…

    That is all.

    Your Pal,


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