Snippets of Last Night


My girls… my shoes… my legs

“Hold on… I have to take my underwear off.”
“I’m not wearing any either.”
“God… we’re so alike.”
“Going commandette!”
“I hate underwear…”

“Where to ladies?”
“XXX Spadina Ave. What’s your name?”
“Roger.”
“Hi Roger… Mind if we smoke in here?”
“Nope go right ahead.”
“I like you Roger, we’ll get along just fine.”

“Let’s not buy any of our own drinks tonight okay.”
“Yah… We have to take a taxi, so we shouldn’t have to buy drinks as well.”
“We’ll make it a package deal too… whoever offers to buy any one of us a drink, has to buy one for all three of us, otherwise no deal, talk to the hand.”
“Sounds like a plan!”

“Roger, her and I have to pee and we don’t have a penis, can you stop at that gas station?”
“Of course, i’ll pull right in. If you had a penis you’d probably never leave home.”
“That’s true… Be right back.”

“My shoes are fucking killing me.”
“Yah but they’re so sexy.”
“I’ll endure the pain, it’s worth it…”
“It always is!”

“Do you have an extra cigarette?”
“I do… Here you go.”
“Thanks… I’m James. Oh Belmont Milds huh, nice.”
“Yes and I recently discovered that these are actually the number one choice for crackheads.”
“Ha ha really. Oh I get it… They burn faster, the ash right?”
“I guess… I don’t know. I am kind of glad that I can’t answer that in fact.”“Hi can I get a…”
“The usual – 3 vodka one with 7, one soda, one cranberry?
“Damn honey you’re good”

“The cops are here, let’s go down the fire escape.”
“Okay.”
“Oh… uhhh hi officer.”
“Good party ladies?”
“Great party.”
“Pay to get in?”
“Nope”
“Are they selling booze up there?”
“Ummm no, no I don’t believe so.”
“Have a good night ladies.”

“Do you wanna go puke in the alley?”
“Ummm yeah.”
“I’ll hold your hair.”
“Thanks!”“Hey – I just saw your number on my phone. You called me?”
“Ohhh uhhh yah… I just did a whole load of coke, felt up a strippers ass and now i’m eating a cheeseburger.”

“Boy I know how to pick em’ eh girls… What’s my problem, why do I always attract the biggest losers?”
“Well you know, that’s a question you really have to ask yourself…”
“Rog… Are you psycho-analyzing me? Am I gonna have to pay for this?”
“Yah maybe you should recline that passenger seat.”
“Fuck Rog… you’re killin’ me here!”

“There’s a dead fish in the tank.”
“There is?”
“Yah it’s floating on the top…”
“Awwww!”
“I’ll flush it.”
“Okay…”
[puts fish in the toilet]
“Bye bye fishy… oh, oh…. wait… no. Maybe he’s not dead. he’s swimming sort of. kind of.”
[flushes toilet instinctually]
“Oh shit… sorry!”

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9 thoughts on “Snippets of Last Night

  1. I need someone to hold my hair, too. Not that I have much, but still! It’s the thought that counts, right?

  2. you evidently subscribe to my own philosophy of partying…don’t admit anything…just talk about it…

    splendid re-enactment…toronto sounds amazing…will hopefully visit one day…

  3. Hey, when are you coming to NYC so we can do it up NYC-style? You know I’m all about the debauchery!

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