There and Back

Alarm goes off 7am… Lingo wakes up to a bitch of a sore throat… slam the (fuck) OFF button with my fist and sleep until the (inconsiderate) shrieking banshees wake me up a short while later at 7:25am. I break them out of baby jail (aka – their cribs) give them a kiss and a cookie, shower and get myself ready. I pick out two uber-cute outfits for the banshees to wear, who (I might add) do not appreciate this gesture at all, and attempt to remove each piece that I attempt to put on. Finally at 8:30 we are ready to go… I bring the girlies downstairs and puts socks on Mini Lingo #1, set her down once completed and proceed to put socks on Mini Lingo #2… While socking Mini Lingo #2, Mini Lingo #1 decides to rip her socks off and throw them… this cycle continues for a good ten minutes back and forth between the Mini Lingos who are hellbent on fucking with me!

Get to the daycare at 8:45 (not the ideal scenario). Mini Lingos do not want to get out of their car seat and freak the fuck out… Lingo sings “if you’re happy and you know it” and carries their objecting little asses up to the door to kiss them off.

Lingo remembers she needs gas… fuck. I hit the gas station and pull up behind this whale twat who parks way too close to my gas pump, forcing me to have to fully extend the gas hose (which almost doesn’t reach). I give her the evil lingo stare as I am uncomfortably gassing up from a fucking mile away from the goddamn gas pump and rain is falling on me from the gas shelter above (which I am not under)!! Thanks bitch!

I know what’ll make everything better! A Starbucks Grande Chai Latte with Cinnamon cap!! Mmm!!! It’s now pouring heavily with rain… I think “i’ll just hit the drive thru”, that is… until I see all of the other lazy mother fuckers who also don’t wanna get wet. Not wanting to wait in the ridiculously long drive thru line, I drag my ass inside and order up my Chai! Well don’t I get the fucking rocket scientist barista who can’t seem to tell the difference between Chai and Vanilla!! Nice!! So I leave with someone else’s shit vanilla latte while they are enjoying my fucking awesome Chai latte with Cinnamon Cap!

Oh well… At least I have “something” to consume on the way to work, although at this point I am kind of wishing that there was two shots of single malt in there as well. Make that a triple… When it takes me 20 minutes to get from Starbucks to the highway because of some fucking accident that some wanker who can’t drive in the rain caused!

Get to the highway… the one that I pay to take (to avoid traffic)… a fucking parking lot!! Nobody is moving. When they do finally start moving, they are driving like complete dickheads because they can’t handle the rain curveball that nature threw at them… which results in my normally 25 minute drive in to work taking an hour and fifteen minutes!! Then I have to park in the overflow lot (cuz there’s no spots available), so I get wet walking in… My pants are also a bit too long and end up getting soaked at the bottom!

My actual day at work wasn’t that bad… It was the “there and back” that fucking sucked! I feel like i’m getting some nasty virus too… So that’s awesome!!!

My daughter Seren has something to say too:



\=She’s quite articulate isn’t she?! Opinionated and crazy just like her mom! Although something tells me that she’ll be better at math than I am.

Hope your journey “there and back” was better than mine! Thanks for listening to my bitchy little rant for the day. I already feel better!


13 thoughts on “There and Back

  1. Just wait till the little ones can talk back. I have to wake my ass up at 4:30 and the the kids at 5:15. They start by arguing with me and then when I finally get them up they start arguing with each other. Then we leave at 5:35 and they argue all the way to the sitters, which is a 20 min drive. Then I continue my hour and 20 minute ride on our lovely parking(inter)state. Traffic sucks everyday here and if its raining or foggy I will be late. One drop of rain on someones windsheild and it comes to a 10 mile an hour drive. Well any ways I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

  2. My there and back was actually not bad today. Then again, it’s only bad when I am trying to get back on a Friday. Never in a hurry to get there.

    Look on the bright side. At least you don’t live in Midwest City, OK where it took 30 minutes to drive 2 miles on a good day. I really hate Oklahoma and I haven’t set foot in that place since I left in Feb 1999. Not that I am bitter…

  3. Okay… you are scaring me. The troll will arrive here in less than three months and that entire post makes me so unready for it.

    The part where you called the lady a “whale twat” had me floored… That was funny shit… whale twat…. Ha Ha Ha… I just picture this 5 foot by 5 foot pail white bubble with dark hair, huge glasses and a breathing problem in a semi large late 80’s GM automobile. Brown? Was the car brown?

  4. Hey SeLiNa.

    Sounds like quite an ordeal…

    I also cracked up at the use of “whale twat” to describe that woman…(Is that from J.K. Rowling?)…

    Rants can be cathartic…and entertaining.

    Take care out there, SeLiNa!

    Your Pal,


  5. “Wanker,” wow! I thought only the brits use it.

    Email me if you want to know more about problogging contacts.

  6. Shit! I’ve had mornings like that. CRAZY! You must have been going nuts! I would pay money to see a vid of you singing, “If you’re happy and you know it!” LOL

  7. My ride to and back isn’t too bad, although I do drive part of the way through a 2 year old construction zone.

    But I understand what you mean when you say the rain slows everyone down. Its like that here when the snow falls. The first day you see a flake of snow for the season, and you drive 2 miles an hour. Its fuckin rediculous!

  8. Holy crap, I think Serena is halfway to finding the meaning of life, love, the universe, and everything (Hitchiker’s Guide To The Galaxy reference – yes I am a geek, actually no that’s not true geeks imply they know everything, I don’t I just tend to wing it).

    Speaking of crashes I just got rear ended on my way home tonight. What is it about rainy days that bring the muppets out?

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