Alarm goes off 7am… Lingo wakes up to a bitch of a sore throat… slam the (fuck) OFF button with my fist and sleep until the (inconsiderate) shrieking banshees wake me up a short while later at 7:25am. I break them out of baby jail (aka – their cribs) give them a kiss and a cookie, shower and get myself ready. I pick out two uber-cute outfits for the banshees to wear, who (I might add) do not appreciate this gesture at all, and attempt to remove each piece that I attempt to put on. Finally at 8:30 we are ready to go… I bring the girlies downstairs and puts socks on Mini Lingo #1, set her down once completed and proceed to put socks on Mini Lingo #2… While socking Mini Lingo #2, Mini Lingo #1 decides to rip her socks off and throw them… this cycle continues for a good ten minutes back and forth between the Mini Lingos who are hellbent on fucking with me!
Get to the daycare at 8:45 (not the ideal scenario). Mini Lingos do not want to get out of their car seat and freak the fuck out… Lingo sings “if you’re happy and you know it” and carries their objecting little asses up to the door to kiss them off.
Lingo remembers she needs gas… fuck. I hit the gas station and pull up behind this whale twat who parks way too close to my gas pump, forcing me to have to fully extend the gas hose (which almost doesn’t reach). I give her the evil lingo stare as I am uncomfortably gassing up from a fucking mile away from the goddamn gas pump and rain is falling on me from the gas shelter above (which I am not under)!! Thanks bitch!
I know what’ll make everything better! A Starbucks Grande Chai Latte with Cinnamon cap!! Mmm!!! It’s now pouring heavily with rain… I think “i’ll just hit the drive thru”, that is… until I see all of the other lazy mother fuckers who also don’t wanna get wet. Not wanting to wait in the ridiculously long drive thru line, I drag my ass inside and order up my Chai! Well don’t I get the fucking rocket scientist barista who can’t seem to tell the difference between Chai and Vanilla!! Nice!! So I leave with someone else’s shit vanilla latte while they are enjoying my fucking awesome Chai latte with Cinnamon Cap!
Oh well… At least I have “something” to consume on the way to work, although at this point I am kind of wishing that there was two shots of single malt in there as well. Make that a triple… When it takes me 20 minutes to get from Starbucks to the highway because of some fucking accident that some wanker who can’t drive in the rain caused!
Get to the highway… the one that I pay to take (to avoid traffic)… a fucking parking lot!! Nobody is moving. When they do finally start moving, they are driving like complete dickheads because they can’t handle the rain curveball that nature threw at them… which results in my normally 25 minute drive in to work taking an hour and fifteen minutes!! Then I have to park in the overflow lot (cuz there’s no spots available), so I get wet walking in… My pants are also a bit too long and end up getting soaked at the bottom!
My actual day at work wasn’t that bad… It was the “there and back” that fucking sucked! I feel like i’m getting some nasty virus too… So that’s awesome!!!
My daughter Seren has something to say too:
\=She’s quite articulate isn’t she?! Opinionated and crazy just like her mom! Although something tells me that she’ll be better at math than I am.
Hope your journey “there and back” was better than mine! Thanks for listening to my bitchy little rant for the day. I already feel better!