I pulled in to my office parking lot 25 minutes late. Didn’t feel like parking in the overflow parking lot, because it looked like it might rain and I didn’t have an umbrella and didn’t wanna walk. Scanned the executive spots for an open “reserved” one and sniped it… After all, I fucking deserve it, I work hard damn it! I’m executive material… Right?!
Checked my hair, put on some lipstick, and breathed in deeply before getting out of the car to face the big bad day. As I walked towards the side door reaching for my security card, I noticed an unusual scene inside the bus shelter at the intersection. Not a soul to be seen anywhere, yet there sat a folding table, a thermos, and a laptop that seemed to be on. I raised an eyebrow but quickly replaced the thought instead with what I would have for breakfast. I thought “hmmm I wonder if they are gonna have flavoured coffee in the caf today”.
Noticed a few people looking out the window in my office, which was weird… Something seemed to be amusing them. Thinking nothing of it, I headed over to my cube to plug in my laptop, put my jacket on the back of my chair, and make it appear as if i’d been there a while so I could go get myself some breakfast without having to hurry.
In the cafeteria I overhear the following conversation:
“So did you hear about that suspicious package?”
“No… where, in the mailroom?”
“Outside… out front of our office, in the bus shelter. Somebody left some suspicious items there, including a laptop that says ‘POLICE CONTROLLED DO NOT TOUCH”.
“Police controlled?! That’s strange… Hmmm. I wonder if we’re gonna get to go home for the day…”
It occurs to me that this “suspicious package” that they are referring to is the laptop, thermos, and folding table that I had noticed upon arriving.
I get my bananas on toast, my vanilla hazelnut coffee and head up to my desk (being that it’s now almost 10 o-clock). On my way up I can see cop cars pulling into the parking lot through the windows in the stairwell. “Fuck, something’s going on” I think to myself as I bite into my toast while I climb the stairs.
Turns out, the “suspicious items” belonged to a chick who was conducting a census survey at that intersection… She just went to get a coffee from Timmies and didn’t wanna have to pack everything up. She figured by putting a “police controlled. do not touch” scrolling marquis on her screensaver, that she could disappear and return to her gear safe and untouched. Little did she know that she would return to find a gathering of people, a robot, several cops, and a hazmat crew.