The Wiggles: Making Kids Gay One Show At a Time

Above: The Wiggles ruining the “Shooter McGavin”

Ever seen that show “The Wiggles”? Basically they’re a bunch of Australian fruit cakes who sing really annoying kids songs and make your toddlers attach themselves to the television screen like a crack head to a crack pipe. They are basically teaching our kids to be gay…. But not cool cultured gay… Gay, annoying gay!!!

The girlies don’t watch a lot of television, but on the weekend, the show was on… So we let them watch it. The first thing we noticed were the rainbows… all the colours of the rainbow. This rainbow theme was reinforced everywhere from on the set to the very shirts they wear.

Their haircuts and attire would be enough to make the guys from Queer Eye for The Straight Guy throw their hands in the air and admit defeat. There’s just no helping these poor gay souls. They’re hurting… And they’re so popular that they are influencing the delicate little minds of our children.

It’s one thing to teach the kids to be cool gay (ie – good taste in music, culinary expertise, interior design savvy, in tune with both sexes, intelligent and cultured)… But it’s another thing to teach the kids to be annoying rainbow gay (ie – i’m thuper thanks for asking).

The Wiggles boast Popular songs such as “romp bomp a chomp”

Jeff wears a purple shirt and falls asleep (one to many rupees perhaps?)
Murray wears a red shirt and plays a guitar (think Juicy Fruit commercial only worse)
Anthony eats healthy food, especially fruit salad (hope he saran wraps that shit)
Greg wears a yellow shirt, drives the Big Red Car (yes… that’s right “a car”), and often performs magic tricks (like “hide the banana” perhaps).

Let’s not forget the “friendly (ASS) pirate” Captain Feathersword. A running joke with Captain Feathersword is his use of the phrase “Well, blow me down!“, which usually results in the characters nearest him obeying (little bitta S&M there) his wishes by blowing him to the ground with a gust of breath.

So don’t be surprised when your little boy comes down sporting a bowl cut, a circa 1984 crevaught, a Pink polo shirt, a pair of stone washed jeans (that are horribly too short) and starts belting out tunes that make you wanna stab yourself in the eye with a fondue fork! It’s not his fault he was brainwashed by these tacky gay cruisaders!

If you are grooming your child to be gay, then choose some fucking cool role models like Elton John, Ellen DeGeneres, and David Sedaris… or the dudes from Queer Eye. People who actually have some talent and can dress themselves without looking like rainbow vomit!

Disclaimer: This is tongue-in-cheek people… Nothing more, nothing less!

16 thoughts on “The Wiggles: Making Kids Gay One Show At a Time

  1. Remember that whole debate about the big purple Tele-Tubbie being gay?

    Well their wrong. Very Very Wrong.

    There were clues that led people to believe this.

    Firstly the big triangle. Myth Debunk time. The gay triangle is PINK not purple.

    The second clue was the hand bag. This is fair enough but I have another thought as to the big purple fella.

    He is a Jehovah’s Witness.

    Look at the clues again.

    Purple Triangle: In WWII the Nazis gave Jehovah’s Witnesses the symbol of the Purple Triangle. Look in any history book and you’ll see what I mean.

    The Handbag: It is not a handbag it is his witnessing bag. It is full of Watchtower and Awake magazines and possibly some of their books.

  2. Is that the repeated tongue in cheek? I gotta agree with this, though. There’s a difference between gay and froot loop! And, the Doodle-bops are way cooler than these pansies!

  3. The first time that I saw the Wiggles, I thought, “Who are these gay guys in Star Trek uniforms?”

  4. I’ve never seen this show but it appears to me like you’ve called it right on the money SeLiNa. Jack from Will and Grace probably has his Tivo set to record this.

  5. LOL @ “I’m Thuper, thankths for athkin!”

    Cool Gay, isn’t that Metro Sexual? I don’t know, I’m so damn confused these days. I don’t know weather to say Fag, Gay, Homo, fruit, fudge packer, or metro sexual.

  6. Never even heard of the show. But now I’m nervous: I am wearing a red shirt and I play guitar, just like Murray. You don’t suppose that I’m … oh god … I just pulled up the song “YMCA” on my iPod. I think I might be turning GAY!

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that …

  7. I was loving it right up until the disclaimer at the end… but I’ve certainly noticed how sensitive some people can be about that kind’ve stuff.
    Whatever. I got where you were going, and it was fun to ride along.

  8. As a New Zealander I unfortunately know about this show on account of Australia being a couple of thousand Kms to my left.

    The Star Trek comment was funny because I thought the same too so I’d hate to be the Wiggle on the left in the red shirt. He will be first to die.

    But look at them for a sec. Blue Shirt looks like Capn Kirk, Yellow Shirt looks like Spock, and Purple Shirt definately looks like Mr Sulu.

    What’s even worse is there’s a pirate, a Mr Blobby character and a dodgy car reminiscent of Noddy’s car only red.

    Thank God I’m at work when this bunch of retards are on.

  9. Thankfully my kids have outgrown them, but gay or not, they are better than Dora or the Telletubbies. They weren’t even allowed to watch Barney after having to deal with that with our friend’s kid.

    Back to the Wiggles, I was convinced they were a bunch of acid freaks.

  10. The teletubbies are atleast in the closet fags. These are flaming, reach around giving homo’s…

  11. This post is too funny. I keep coming back to it. It’s amazing what they put out there for kids. Ever seen the Veggie Tales? They are vegetables who love God and are out there spreading their message.

  12. speaking of gay childrens entertainment
    what is up with that ‘red guy’ on the cartoon network show, ‘cow and chicken?”FUCK DAT!what is with his obssesion with chichens BEAK and WADDLE!that is sum sick demonic bestiality!next he will be hitting in that ugly ass mo’fo dog sam…..damn that thing was ugly…and another thing bout that show..what is up with the incest? why is chicken always grabbing cow’s titties.. i know he is trying to disclaim the gay shit he has got goin on with FLEM and Earl, but DAMN!!!! A FUCKING COW!SHUT DA FUCK UP!im African by the way..REPRESENT KENYA!!!

  13. My butthole itches. Am I gay? I absolutely love watching the wiggles. I wiggle myself into a frenzy, scratch my butthole with my hair brush and then blow my load all over the TV when a close up of blue shirt appears. The screen is stained from all of my loads!!!

    I wish they had a pink shirt, that would drive me crazy.

    Love- chuck hurst, closet homo and married to a woman

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