Why I will Never Make a Good Housewife

1.) When the laundry starts piling up, I reach for the phonebook.
2.) I eat breakfast and a good size lunch to avoid cooking dinner.
3.) Spring makes me wanna shag… not clean.
4.) Tupperware doesn’t appeal to me… and a tupperware party, out of the question!
5.) I don’t know what everybody else on the street is up to, nor do I give a shit.
6.) My idea of hosting a dinner party is calling a really awesome catering company.
7.) Seven words: “pick up your own damn dry cleaning!”
8.) I’m not on the PTA, nor do I wish to be.
9.) When I do cook, I expect praise damn it… a fucking lot of it!
10.) Daughter spills some juice on the floor, my sock will suffice in mopping it up.
11.) I don’t have a “honey do” list on my fridge or a honey that would be willing to do.
12.) My idea of a cleaning spree is half hour spurts with hour wine intermissions.
13.) I can’t sew worth fuck, and if a button comes off… it’s off to the tailor I go.
14.) I do not own a mini-van, nor will I ever… EVER… EVER!!!
15.) I forget birthdays and forget to send out Christmas cards.
16.) Coupons are something I couldn’t give less of a shit about.
17.) Wal-Mart is a last resort.
18.) I got a house with all hardwood floors because I hate vacuuming.
19.) My plants usually die from neglect… I do have one survivor (has lasted 7 years).
20.) I can think of a million other things I would rather do than cook or clean.

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14 thoughts on “Why I will Never Make a Good Housewife

  1. 14.) I do not own a mini-van, nor will I ever… EVER… EVER!!!

    I think your previously avowed “Until death do us part” allegiance to the Mini Cooper is testament to that.

    Hey, you only used ‘fuck’ twice. What the fuck is up with that? We’re going to have to downgrade that Parental Advisory notice.

  2. Judging from this list, I’ll never make a good housewife either. In fact, this list would seem to assure no one else would.

    However, I did see you wearing that June Cleaver string of pearls and come fuck me pumps when you though no one was looking. You’re not as unhousewiferish as you appear. I think the tats are just a distratcion from the REAL you.

    Or, I could be wrong 😉

  3. Hey SeLiNa.

    I hope all is well, and that you and the spawnettes are feeling better…Just catching up after a little break from Blogtown…

    I’ve really enjoyed reading your last few posts that I missed! You’re good! You’re a fine-looking woman who kinda thinks like a guy…(I mean that in a complimentary way)…And that’s pretty darn cool…

    Keep up the great work, little momma!

    Your Pal,

    Zambo.

  4. I think my wife is 18 of 20 of those. Obviously we don’t have a daughter spilling juice yet, but that’d be my wife!! I guess you could substitute hairball for juice…

  5. nice, this post makes me reflect on the finest points in life. a good “house wife” usualy equates to a boring bitch, whos only mission is not having an exciting life.

    I say, you go girl! if more women were like you, less men would be such pigs.

  6. I’m not much of a housewife either I guess because all of those sound about right to me except for I CAN cook, like to cook, don’t mind cooking- but fuck cleaning up.

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