Mindful Contradictions

It was 3:00 on a Tuesday afternoon; he was suspended between two trees in his parent’s backyard in his double hammock pondering the possibilities of his life. His breath was mindful and deep, his chakras centered, and his mind clear of all noise.

Speeding cars passed him by on the road behind the house . The wind gently swayed his hammock and the breeze blew through his sandy brown beach kissed hair. He drifted in and out of consciousness, occasionally being awakened by the sound of loud trucks or honking horns. At 4:20 (still in the hammock) he lit his 3rd joint of the day but was interrupted by his mom who was home early from work.

“David, what are you doing?”

“Ohhh hey moms…. What’s up?”

“What were you smoking?”

“Oh don’t worry it’s not marijuana moms, it’s an ancient Indian smoke mixture wrapped in a Tendu leaf”

“David, you’re 33 years old… When are you going to move out of our house and get a job?”

“I have a job!”

“Teaching yoga and making beaded necklaces for pot money, is not a job”

She turned and walked away.

David slowly sat up and put his faded Abercrombie shirt back on, slightly pissed that his mom had ruined his buzz. He scratched his head and stretched his arms out yawning and headed inside and up to his room. The doorway to his room was adorned with a wood beaded curtain, his draperies were made of hemp, and he had a variety of plants throughout the room, one in his closet, which was his prized female.

“David… Supper’s ready” his mom called from downstairs a short while later

He went down to find a pork chop, a potato with cheese and some fried onions on a plate.

“You expect me to eat this?”

His dad raised an eyebrow.

“I’m a Vegan” he continued “I don’t eat any meat or anything that is a byproduct of an animal. I told you that.”

His mother angrily snatched the plate from in front of him and said “Well maybe if you moved out and had your own apartment, we wouldn’t have this problem. How am I supposed to keep up with all of your hippie trends David?”

“Sorry moms…. I appreciate the fact that you included me in this divine feast, however it’s against my beliefs to eat this. I am eating all natural food from the earth these days. I don’t eat meat, dairy, anything with preservatives… I don’t even eat garlic or onions because they’re too harsh on the body.”

He smiled at his mom and kissed her on the cheek and went back up to his room.

He threw on some Phish and reached into the pocket of his hoodie and pulled out a bag of coke. He cut up 4 lines on his dresser, inhaled them one after the other, put on some Patchouli oil and called his friend in Australia.

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8 thoughts on “Mindful Contradictions

  1. when i said pay closer attention to the people around you, i didn’t mean for you to plagiarize MY friggin’ life!
    thanks a lot! ;o)

    once again, you’ve succeeded in bringing to life a true anti-hero…and i happen to love anti-heroes…

  2. SeLina,

    Please, tell me where Moms lives. I want her to adopt me. Or maybe I could bump off Dad and become a kept man. OOOO. That would be so BITCHIN’.

    Great post. Really.

  3. I thought you might say the dude had a pinched nerve in his neck and needed treatment with a silly over the door traction unit…

  4. Whew. Except for the coke hit at the end, it really brings me back to my 20s. You had me at breeze blew through his sandy brown beach kissed hair. Very nice.

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