Shhh You’ll Startle The Baby



Above: The blind leading the blind

That’s right ladies… Tom Cruise is the leading expert when it comes to women’s issues like pregnancy and postpartum depression! He knows all. He knows all about those INCREDIBLY painful stabbing pains otherwise known as contractions, he knows all about pushing something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a walnut. Which must mean that Tom has given birth right?! He must be a bitch!

I hate writing about Hollywood folk, but… I just can’t ignore this whole SILENT BIRTH bullshit. Sorry. If Tom was by my side shushing me while trying to give birth, he would have his balls ripped off and shoved down his throat… Further more, if he tried to deny me an epidural or any other drugs that take the edge off of the monumental pain I was experiencing, I would fucking deck him and order him to get the fuck away from me before I shoved the “birthing boards” up his ass!

I am sick and tired of Tom Cruise sticking his big fucking dick nose into women’s issues where it doesn’t belong… Where does he get off? Who does he think he is?

Tom, until you have a cunt of your own… SHUT THE FUCK UP!

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16 thoughts on “Shhh You’ll Startle The Baby

  1. Tom Cruise is the biggest piece of horse shit since…ever!!! He’s in fucking sane. Without a doubt. I’m just glad the worst pain i’ll ever feel is pushing a brick of shit out of my asshole.

  2. Three words –

    How. Dare. He.

    Someone should make him shit a slimy goat out of his arse and force him to keep quiet.

  3. Coming from a chick who had two natural births and cussed the hell out of everyone in sight, had the freedom to shriek, puked on the hubby and tried to deck him one for good measure I will say that what would happen to that fucker Tom Cruise would make headlines, HEADLINES! Unfortunately and sickeningly so it seems that Katie Holmes IS his cunt. Fucking wackos the both of them!

    Can you tell I liked your post m’lady? Let’s get together and kick us some Cruise ass! Good times!

  4. I’m not so sure Tom “Daffy Duck” Cruise has real balls, and I’m not totally convince Katie is really pregnant.

    And as a mother of two melon-headed kids, let me just say that epidurals are the shit.

  5. Tom’s not just stupid about women’s issues. He’s stupid about everything.

    I think he needs a handful of anti-depressents.

    Wait! That won’t work either. Damn that L. Ron Hubbard!

  6. Hey SeLiNa.

    Tommy has been a bit out of control lately…It seems like this whole baby thing is a way to show the world that Nicole was the one who couldn’t have kids.

    I liked Brooke Shields’ response to Cruise’s rantings.

    I’m torn, ’cause there’s a part of me that likes some of his work, but then there’s the real life nutty Tom…

    But then there’s this amazing clip that never stops being funny! (Watch with volume for best results)…

    Take care, SeLiNa.

    Your Pal,

    Zambo.

  7. Tom Cruise is…um…an idiot. He was a very respected actor for years and years, until he decided to start opening his mouth. Now he is just another nutter with a lot of money. I still can’t believe that anyone is into that Scientology crap.

  8. Thanks all, I’m glad I’m not alone in thinking this way…. I’d be a little concerned if I was.

    Nice clip Zambo!! Classic!

    Thanks Stringman!

  9. I’ll tell ya something I heard on the news the other night although probably not verbatim because I was cooking dinner too at the time- but it was something about the trend for women to schedule C-Sections instead of just letting nature take it’s course. What kind of happy horseshit is that? Is this supposed to be more convenient for them in their busy lives or do they think it won’t be as painful or what? Damn retards. I’ve had 3 kids and as it happens one by natural childbirth, one by C-Section, and one with an epidural and give me door number three any damn day. I STILL have pains occasionally from that operation nearly 18 years later.

    As for Tom I think aliens must have abducted him and brainwashed him. Dumbass.

  10. Hell, I had my shoulder dislocated trying to help my wife scream through the births of our twins when she grabbed my arm and yanked me over to her!

    Didn’t bother me none… just slammed ‘er against the hospital wall a few times.

    It was funny how bad the nurses seemed to want to drug me more than they wanted to drug my wife!

    Oh, and Tom Cruise is a freak of nature along with the rest of the freak show down there in Hollyweird.

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