Toes in the Hose

Why is it that we can put a man on the moon, send space probes out into space, and can clone a human being… Yet nobody seems able to design strong and unbreakable pantyhose and bring them to the millions of desperate women everywhere who would do anything to get their hands on a pair?! Seriously… I am so annoyed with the number of pairs of pantyhose that have gone in the garbage because I’ve sliced a run with my nail, or because I’ve tugged too hard (which in panty hose language, means NOT HARD AT ALL) while putting them on in the morning only to have them unwearable and ruined mere minutes after opening them. Pantyhose are personally responsible for making me late on many occasions! I should send a fucking bill for my time to Leggs!

What is going on here? Why is this happening? I would gladly spend a significant amount of cash on a pair of indestructible panty hose if I could find some. Women everywhere would be overcome with joy if run-free pantyhose were readily available and as accessible as the current shitty ass ones are.

I have this to say to the entire pantyhose industry: FUCK YOU!!! I HATE YOU!

Wanna be a millionaire? Design indestructible run-free pantyhose and market them properly!

And don’t give me a smart ass comment like “don’t you know Selina, they already DO exist”. If they do exist (which i’m sure they do somewhere, like maybe Minsk), then why can’t I find them?! Why aren’t they in every drug store on the planet?! And why haven’t they replaced the pathetic feeble marathon running pantyhose that are currently on the market?! It all comes down to marketing!! We need run-free pantyhose to become the new standard, the status quo, the norm, the fucking benchmark… We should not accept anything less!!! But we do, because we’re stupid. Or atleast I am…

Can you tell I had a run in my pantyhose today?!

Corporate fucking conspiracy no doubt…


17 thoughts on “Toes in the Hose

  1. The whole thing with the pantyhose running is a big conspiracy with we men. We’re making them run so that women will cast them off forever and go bare! Woo! Or something like that.

  2. Selina,
    You stole the words out of my mouth! Thank you for this post. I agree wholeheartedly. I HATE NYLONS!!!!!

  3. I’m afraid I can’t help you with that one, but very best of luck with that. It does puzzle me why that should be so. You’d think there’d be some super space-age material, don’t you? Like they stuff they use on those solar panels on the Hubble or something…

  4. It’s like the fucking oil industry. We have the technology to create run-free pantyhose like we do gas free cars, but the powers that be in the pantyhose corporations are keeping us down! They’ve purchased the technology and hidden it like a bad Roswell cover up. It’s a story rich with conspiracy, see?

    I’m going to go take my medication now.

  5. Hey SeLina.

    Sorry about the state of hosiery these days. Unfortunately, I have no advice or information to share on this topic. Other than when I was a kid, I liked the egg-shaped container that L’eggs panty hose used to come in. My mom would give them to me. In a way, I guess I looked forward to her getting more so I could get the cases…

    Anyway, good luck with the quest for quality hose…And gentlemen good luck finding quality hoes. (I don’t mean that in a disparaging way)…

    Take care out there!

    Your Pal,


  6. I agree that it is a big conspiracy by The Man.

    I do also have to say that a nice pair of legs looks even that much sexier in a pair of stockings. Now if they could just make them sturdier, everyone would be happy.

    Ben O.

  7. Panty hose suck. I do everything in my power to wear them as rarely as necessary. All I have to do is look at them wrong and I get a run. And it’s not as if they are even comfortable.

  8. The way I see it is like this:

    If you make a product that gets used up then you have to buy more. It’s economically cheaper to keep doing it the same way plus women will keep uying them. Make it a man’s product and the problem is solved.

    Panty hose are also designed by men. We like to see them get tore. It’s kinda kinky.

  9. I knew you sneaky opportunistic men had something to do with it! Fuckers!

    Hmmm at this point growing out my leg hairs and weaving them into an intricate pattern doesn’t seem like a bad idea… (okay I lied, I just threw up in my mouth a lil’ bit saying that).

    I used to dig the L’eggs containers too.

  10. What I don’t get is why you’d wear the hose anyway?

    I mean, you shave/wax/burn off the hair on your legs for what, to hide them?

    Mind you by that logic, you get a breast implant to make your tits look better only to hide them in a shirt?

    Take your clothes off. Burn your clothes. No sense in stopping at the bra. burn the lot.

    While you’re doing that can you throw my ties on the fire as well? I despise the little fucking nooses that the corporate world makes us wear. I want to move to Denmark where the tie has been abolished. Glad to see at least one country is thinking unlike the rest of the Western world who is brainwashed by their own marketing. Bunch of toss pots.

    So um yeah, burn the clothes. 🙂

  11. Wear 80 dernier ones, much better!
    But yeah, you are right. They suck and if you want the sheer look, your fucked. Personally I either wear nets or woolly tigths, less damage…

  12. Is that your amateur porn vid i saw of you wearing nylons leaning against a wall while standing as some older guy put’s it to you from behind.

  13. uhhh yeah peepers… that’s it. only unlike your amateur porn vid of you getting off on shit-play with a limbless midget, mine is completely fictional.

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