Corrupt Crayons: The Way They Should Be

Ever wonder how they come up with names for Crayons?! I do… Especially because they all suck!!! What is wrong with these crayon companies? Do they think that we live in a fucking world of faeries and butterflies and dance around waterfalls all day?! Somebody needs to clue these katz in… Kids need to know the truth!

In fact I’ve come up with some of my own names for crayons, which unfortunately were rejected on numerous occasions, by numerous crayon companies… But seriously, what the fuck do they know?! These are some of my best ones:

Soon You’ll Be Bleeding Like a Stuffed Pig Red
Like your mom – Tattered Old Beef Curtain Brown
Teenaged Unpopped Whitehead White
Drank too much and Puked up Guacamole Green
You’re Not Fooling Anyone You Trashy Unnatural Blonde
Shitfaced Beyond Belief Brown
Overdosed & Foaming from the Mouth White
Horrible 80s flashback Neon Pink
Halitosis-ridden coworkers teeth Yellow
Supersonic Bionic Chronic Green
Jamaican fuck-you-up Gum Black
Throbbing Vein Purple
Carrot Top is Annoying Orange
Like Paris Hiltons Hole Black

I have more… This is just a sampling. I guess it doesn’t matter much, since they were all rejected anyway. What the fuck… These crayon companies wouldn’t know a good name for a crayon if it was endorsed by Donald Trump himself!! They stick to the safe boring-ass, nobody gives a flying fuck about names! Woohoo… way to innovate there people… way to innovate with your pansy ass names! I’m not bitter. I don’t care… Just because YOU didn’t want to buy my crayon names, doesn’t mean that somebody else won’t… Yeah that’s right bitches… Then we’ll see who’s sorry won’t we?! When I’m a multi-million dollar crayon naming powerhouse colouring the world corrupt with my fucked up names! Put your safe and boring asses out of business I will… Start my own little jaded crayon company with better names, twisted labels and a more realistic outlook on life, unlike you fucking pansies who are obviously in severe denial or just haven’t been laid in a reeeeeeeeally long time! Take your Indigo Blue and shove it up your tight little asses. I’ll be over here with the cool blue… The “Ouch my balls fucking hurt like hell Blue“!!

Wanna join my twisted crayon company? Many twisted minds are more powerful than one… Gimme some of your fucked up crayon names and hopefully we’ll be able to put out our first box of Corrupt Crayons! See… We already have the product name! Just need the colours now.

12 thoughts on “Corrupt Crayons: The Way They Should Be

  1. Hey SeLiNa!

    I liked your crayon idea!

    It’s getting late and all my ideas are sex-oriented…I might have to sleep on this and re-group…I don’t think any of my ideas are all that great at the moment…

    Here’s a few we’re all sure to regret…I apologize in advance…

    Smurfette’s vag blue…

    Mr. Burns’ dong yellow…

    WARNING: click at your own risk!
    Chyna’s clitoris pink(actual size and shape)…

    I think I’ve done enough for now.

    Take care, SeLiNa.

    Your Pal,


  2. I’d like to see you get a box of those crayons into our local Walmart!

    These two are the best:

    Carrot Top is Annoying Orange
    Like Paris Hiltons Hole Black

    That is one black crayon, indeed!

  3. Zambo – I have dollar signs in my eyes!!

    Rev – you know we’re related… we have to be… There’s no way that two twisted fucks like us couldn’t be…

    Fred – I’m on it… I’m on the horn with your local Wal-Mart as we speak. They’re trying to muscle me around about price though… They are even recommending that we outsource the manufacturing to Cambodian children between the ages of 5 and 9. Apparently we can pay them collectively like $ 0.05 a day and produce 200,000 000 crayons per day doing it… Sweeeeeeeeeet.

  4. I dare you to actually make a couple yourself and put them on the shelf yourself, you know, covertly and see if anything gets put in the paper about it.

    There’s bound to be some crayon hating prude who’s offending by “Arse Candy Brown” or “Teenage Nipple Pink”.

    You can then bask in the glory knowing that no one will ever know it was you but you’re just happy that someone noticed.

  5. Johnie: Sometimes my vulgar vocabulary is a marvel to wonder… even for me! i don’t know where i pick this stuff up…

    Wookie: You are giving me ideas. That is actually a brilliant idea!! To replace a couple of crayons in the boxes at the store!!! Yeah! I’ll remove the Crayola Ruby Reds and replace them with the Corrupt Crayons versioin: Heavy Flow Stay Away From Dat Bitch For 5 Days Red.

  6. I think my last few days in computer hell have done something to my creativity because all I can come up with is Almost Cum Cream.

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