The Importance of Safe Sex

So it’s been a year since I’ve had a decent pay cheque…. Today I got my first pay cheque and lemme tell ya, it was pretty sweet! I have been deprived this past year, I have been living on 50% of my regular salary… It’s been tough, not that it’s that much better given the astronomical daycare costs I’m paying… But at least I get to see the net pay I get each week and breathe a sigh of delight before I hand over my cash to the lady that watches the spawnettes each and every day. I have a hard time handing her the $350 every Monday… I have a kung fu death grip on the cash… I smile at her as I’m extending my hand to give her the money, but for some reason I can’t let go… She ends up having to pull it out of my hand with both of her hands and almost always falls backwards during this process. Kids are expensive!!!

What do condoms have to do with pay day & kids? Duh… Don’t fuck without a condom people!!! Unless you WANT to hand over your cash to some daycare lady who watches kids for a living yet seems to rake in a salary of $60K per year???! That is SO NOT FAIR… I think that something is wrong here, when a daycare provider can earn as much as somebody with a university degree… I mean, don’t get me wrong… I KNOW how hard it is watching children, but come on, the pricing structure is all wrong!!! These ladies get to sit around in the comfort of their own home… They don’t have to struggle with panty hose in the morning, fight the incompetent wankers in rush hour traffic, put on their makeup on the way to work, wake up 3 hours before they need to be at work, and switch from cold bitchy professional to warm loving mom in an instant.

Love my girlies to death… But man, they are expensive! And if they’re anything like me (which they are a lot like me) it’s only going to get worse as they discover how much they like the finer things in life. Wal-Mart just won’t cut it…

Goin’ to check my lottery numbers now…

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15 thoughts on “The Importance of Safe Sex

  1. Have a look at L’Eggs Up & Laughing for another interesting take on having babies. You’re spawnettes are lovely and you’re right, Wal-Mart won’t cut it but it’s so fulfilling schlepping around in threadbare corduroy trousers so that you can keep your kids in the finest designer sportswear.

  2. So, for that year off you had, you were actually being paid to blog? That was cool. But, yeah, full paychecks are nice, even if they disappear too quickly from week to week.

  3. Hi SeLiNa.

    Long time no talk.

    Awesome condoms and slogans!

    I’ve always operated on the principle that it’s better to have a condom and not need one than to need a condom and not have one…(This line was originally about a gun in “True Romance”, but I think it works in this context as well…Plus, a condom can hold about 1 litre of water in a survival situation).

    Twins seem like they’d be quite a bit more work for you…So is it a safe assumption that you’re not gonna have any more kids?

    I hope that work and everything else is going well for you these days.

    Take care, little momma!

    Your Pal,

    Zambo.

    P.S.

    Tuition costs will probably be even more outrageous by the time ‘the spawnettes’ are at that age…This adulthood really is a tricky business…I don’t feel that we were properly briefed….

  4. I would take my kids to work then I could have all the girls go “Awwwww” and then have all the guys say “WTF???” when all the time I’m executing my master plan to slowly take over the world by destroying people’s sanity.

    Fan-fucking-tastic.

    As such I request that you help me with my world domination bit and save the $350 and take your kids to work.

    And that goes the same for all peoples reading this blog. šŸ™‚

    BTW I broke my site so my world domination via propaganda plans took a bit of a hit.

    I’ll be working on getting the propaganda machine working again over the weekend so hopefully the site will be ready on Monday.

  5. *takes notes on Selina’s post and studies them.*

    Very sage advice, Selina.

    But isn’t having no sex better than having sex with a condom?

    Scratch that. Just because I’m not getting any doesn’t make my way better.

    Ha!

    šŸ˜‰

  6. Thanks for the honesty on where my money will be going once me and The Rockette start a family. The “oven” is on pre-heat, so I better start saving!

  7. Girl, you rock.

    I love the way you say cheque. I think I’m gonna go Canuck and start saying it that way too. Wait, it sounds the same . . . I’ll have to spell it out everytime I want to appear all exotic. I’m ranting, I know.

    Ben O.

  8. $350 a week? Holy Shit! My wife does day care, and she makes $3.00 an hour for 2 kids! (not $3 per kid, but $3 for both!). I’m going to have to talk to her about how she could be making the big bucks. WooHoo! Disney, here we come!

  9. Oh my god! 350 a week for childcare!?!?!?! OH MY GODDDDDDd lol
    It’s been a LONG LONG LONG time since I’ve had to pay for childcare… like… 16 years. That was for one. I paid 50 a week. Good lord!

  10. Thanks guys… Although I complain about the expense of daycare, it is unfortunately a necessary expenditure for me, as I am soooo not the stay-at-home mom type! I have a pretty successful career and for me to give it up would be like killing off a piece of my identity… My girlies won’t benefit from me not having a personality or life of my own. I want them to see me leading a successful and rewarding career so that I can be a source of inspiration for them. Or at least… that’s the idea anyway.

    I appreciate you sharing in my pain though…

    Don’t forget to put on those condoms!

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