Birds Blow

Seriously… Would you miss them? If something just came along and suddenly wiped out all of the bird species in the entire world… No more shit hawks, no more geese, no more pigeons, no more budgies… Nothing! All gone!! Dead. Would you shed a tear?

I wouldn’t.

They shit on your windshield, they build nasty nests in inconvenient places, they spread disease, they can’t be held or cuddled, they aren’t fun to watch, they don’t give a flying fuck (he he… get it? flying fuck?) about you or me, that’s for damn sure. And now… With this Avian Flu craziness… Come on, can you make it any easier to fucking hate birds?! Alfred Hitchcock didn’t help either…

Disclaimer: I’m in a strange mood today, i’m only being half (okay 3/4) serious so don’t bitch me out if you’re a bird lover or watcher. Some birds are nice, yes… just not the ones you see every day. Overall (as a species) birds aren’t my favourite (in case you couldn’t tell).

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12 thoughts on “Birds Blow

  1. Chicken is quite tasty… and if all of the birds were dead, we’d all have as much chicken as we want for a long time. We’d just have to freeze the bitches for safe keeping.

    mmmmmm chicken!

  2. Hi SeLiNa.

    We all get in “strange moods” from time to time…

    I was gonna mention chicken too…But if chickens ceased to exist entirely, I’d miss them…and let’s not forget eggs…so versatile and protein-rich!

    But then again as Vincent Vega said,
    “Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood.”

    So I guess we’d adapt…or worst case scenario, become vegetarians…(or eat them)…

    (You’ll notice that I too am in a strange mood…Hopefully people will know that I’m mostly kidding).

    Have a terrific weekend!

    Your Pal,

    Zambo.

  3. Well if it werent for them, you’de have to put up with swarms of bugs (particulary mosquitoes, I hate em’), and many other flying bug pests. The shit, well, I’m glad to say (knock on wood) hasn’t been a problem with hitting me or touching me for that matter.
    But if it werent for Alfred there wouldn’t be the movie craze to make movies to employ big time movie stars that end up doing crazy shit like this

  4. What about Big Bird?
    I’m cool with him, but if he shits on my car, I’d beat him to death with Snuffy’s trunk.

  5. sorry but birds are dirty… and that’s my stance. rodents.

    big bird probably has chlamidia (sp?…actually, i’m not ashamed if i can’t spell that.)

    i like oscar the grouch though… go figure! oh… and those old dudes from the muppet show that did the commentary (forget their names).

    birds are gross. i know they kill bugs, but we have bug spray too. we could just fly around in special (bug killing) planes spraying a steady stream of lethal bug killer across the air killing all in sight. that’d work.

    sounds good no?!

    sorry, but once again i am in a strange mood… AND i’m bitchy and hungover right now.

  6. Perhaps you’re getting your revenge.

    I read this morning that autopsies performed on some birds that had Kamikazied themselves into windows revealed they all had cirrosis of the liver due to eating too many fermented berries.

    So here’s the plan. Let’s have them all drink themselves to death.

  7. I love birds.

    I want to be like birds because then I could fly away when trouble comes my way.

    I would have to be careful of planes though, and duck shooters, and the media because they’d think that I was an angel or something.

    But I could crap on cars. If you thought a turd from a bird whose anus is only a few millimeters in size was a problem, imagine an anus that’s a few centimeters in size. Broken windshield anyone?

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