My dentist is stalking me!! I shit you not! Here’s what happened… I had an appointment scheduled for yesterday afternoon that I completely forgot about. My appointment was supposed to be at 3:30 and I remembered at 4:00 when I saw their number show up on my caller ID.

Looked at Joe: “Oh fuck… I forgot about my dentist appt”.
Him: “yeah so book another one”.

In a panic, I didn’t answer the phone, decided to ignore it. I’d call them back when I was good and ready to reschedule! Make it on my terms, not theirs.

4:30 Phone rings again… It’s them. “What the fuck do they want now”. {Still don’t answer}
5:00 Phone rings again…. again, it’s them. “Okay… seriously. We have voicemail”. {Still don’t answer.}
5:45 Phone rings again…. “It can’t be…. holy fuck it is… they’re still calling. What the fuck?!”
6:50 Phone rings again… “There’s no way…”. Way!
7:15 Phone rings yet again… “What the fuck is their problem. So I missed a fucking appointment. Leave me a goddamn message and i’ll call you back motherfuckers”.

That was the last call I received. I started getting a bit freaked out at this point… Thinking that maybe i’d open my front door and i’d find them waiting for me at the bottom of my driveway with all of their dental tools and masks. Why did they have to call me 6 times??? I am aware that I missed my appointment! Fuck… leave me a message bitches!

I started imagining how the conversation would have gone if I had answered the phone;

“Hi this is Dr. Micheks office, is this Selina?”
“Uhhhh yes it is”
“Yeah… we noticed that you had an appointment today at 3:30. We were here… but you weren’t.”
“OH NO… Was that today? Oh I am sorry. I completely forgot.”
“So you think you can just waltz in here any time you want. Not show up for appointments. Selina, you are going to wish that you had never done this.”
“I said sorry. Please I forgot. I have a lot on my mind. Can’t I just reschedule?”
“You’re going to wish that you had an unmedicted route canal the next time you come in. Trust me Selina, that would be a walk in the park compared to what we’re going to do to you.” {evil laugh}
“So when would you like to come in Selina?”
“Uhhh can I get back to you on that?”
“Okay, but if you don’t call us, we’ll call you”

True story.


13 thoughts on “HELP!!!

  1. Hi Selina.

    I hope that all is well.

    That’s strange, and a bit creepy, about the dentist’s office…I generally try to avoid doctors and dentists (professionally and socially) if I can…

    You should bring a spotter/witness next time you go…just to be on the safe side.

    Good luck!

    Your Pal,


  2. Remember that it’s only when he’s got his fist in your mouth that he’ll ask you about your history… Which by the way he should already know.

    I haven’t been to the dentist since I was in High School. That’s over 12 years ago.

    The last time I went to the doctor was when I had tonsilitis.

    I see no need to go when there’s nothing wrong with you.

    Actually this post reminded me of something I need to add to mine.

    That’s twice you’ve done that Selina. Twice. Three times and I’ll begin to get worried… If I can remember to do that. 🙂

  3. It was scary… very scary! It was just a routine cleaning… I’m thinkin’ of just going to buy some Crest WhiteStrips and calling it a day.

    Maybe find a new dentist… who isn’t a psycho stalker!

  4. Selina,

    I’ve never had any dental work done save a cap on a tooth I broke as a kid. No cavities, no problems with wisdom teeth. Nothin.

    Yet every dentist I’ve ever had has hounded me to get my perfectly healthy wisdom teeth pulled.

    I always felt that dentists were a bit creepy. Now I know why.

    By the way, thanks for the nomination over at blogginoutloud. I’m honored.

  5. Here’s a true story:

    My friend’s gynocologist repeatedly called her telling her that she needed to come in for a visit. Not the receptionist, mind you, but the DR. himself.

    So she goes in for this insisted upon visit, and what ended up happening? They slept together! In the office! Gross, right?

    And so he keeps calling, and she keeps going in.

    Lesson? Find a new dentist.

  6. Atleast your dentist cares, I haven’t been to my dentist in a few months since I cancelled my last appt because well I was broke, and I used a dead relative that doesn’t exsist has my excuse, but he never calls to see whats up. Ithought he liked me….guess not.

    BTW, I see nothing wrong with the gyno sleeping with his patients, just has long has they aren’t forced too. Infact I envy that guy.

  7. I went to a chiropractor one time complaining of back pain. He stood in front of me, put his arms around me like he was hugging me, and cracked my frikken back! I was stunned. He then said, “I’ll be right back” and left the office. I swear he went outside to have a cigarette after that …

    Don’t let the dentist hug you.

  8. B… that gyno story is hillarious! He must be pretty good if she keeps going back for more 😉

    Update on Stalker Dentist: They FINALLY left me a message asking me to call and “reschedule”. Naturally I haven’t yet (cuz i’m fuckin’ scared)… and they’ve still been calling.

    YEP… Time for a new dentist!! Either that or just stop going all together.

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