Here…Take This & Shut The Fuck Up!

{does a flying leap off of the sofa and kicks little brother in the head} Aghhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Mom: Bobby what did I tell you about jumping on the furniture?! Leave your little brother alone. Did you take your Ritalin today?
Bobby: No. I don’t like taking it mom, it makes my brain feel sparkly.
Mom: Oh don’t be silly Bobby, that’s just your imagination. Go and take it please.
Bobby: {heads to kitchen to take Ritalin. Looks over at mom who gives an approving nod & swallows his pill.}
Mom: Good Boy

1/2 hour later….

Bobby: {sitting attentively in front of television watching The History Channel – WWII Documentary. Pupils dilated, totally absorbed, and blinking seems to be non-existent}.
Mom: Why don’t you go do your homework now honey?
Bobby: Okay mom.

Who would have known that they would invent a drug for hyperactivity… When I was a kid, it was simply called “Ants in your Pants” or in some cases, the old saying “boys will be boys” would have sufficed. Sugar might have had something to do with it.

Pretty cool that you can drug your kid into behaving though! Anyone can be a good parent now… Even a crack whore with no teeth and a pimp named Tito!


13 thoughts on “Here…Take This & Shut The Fuck Up!

  1. this is just so true. My nephew used to be on Ritalin and he was just like wa walking zombie!! WE never thought he needed it. I think it is every Doc’s excuse…parent comes in complaining that there child is nuts doc gives Ritalin. Could be killing the kids instead of helping them….wackos!!

  2. Yeah I will probably get my ass reamed for saying this but, I think the whole ADD / ADHD thing is a just a load of bollocks, created by the Pharmaceutical industry to keep people happily drugged and to keep the all mighty dollar flowing!

  3. Did you say Ritalin? Where? Got some? Where’s it at? Got any? Know what would be good? Some Ritalin. Hey! Got any? You hiding it? Ya know what I would like? Ritalin. Can I have some, please?

    p.s. i waited four and a half hours at the church for you and OCB…where’d ya’ll go?

  4. It’s funny that you would mention crack whores in a discussion of ADHD. In my experience during my criminal law practice I learned that many crack and meth addicts have ADHD and ADD. The drugs act like ritalin and make tham feel more “normal.”

  5. “Normal” is such a limited concept and yet we all try to come a bit closer to it for some kind of collective aproval. I was thinking maybe they could make a political drug so that if your beliefs dont confirm to the norm you take a pill and start agreeing.

  6. Don’t forget that Einstein, Churchill, and Edison are said to have had ADHD.

    If ADHD produced men like that then fuck Ritalin. I’d rather be crazy and a genius than normal and mediocre

  7. Hey Selina,
    Is it just me or do I detect more words like ‘shite’ and ‘bollocks’ in you lexicon? Attention Defecate Disorder – that’s when forget yourself and shit in your pants.

  8. Yeah… you can thank my motherland for that! I’m Welsh. Most of my dad’s side is in Manchester, so that should explain it.

  9. AdHd, ADD, manic/depressive, compulsive, neurotic, bullied at school etc. I have come to see these things as signs of potential friendship in people. If a person has non of them at all I get all suspicious…

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