No American Will Be Left Behind

With 1182 more days of Bush left (and counting), Canadians (being the friendly people that we are) wanted to offer our disgruntled American friends a place to hang their hat over here in The Great White North where Timbits run rampant, waistlines are expanding, and a good strong beer is never too far away. This website, (appropriately entitled Marry An American) is helping Discouraged Democrats, Reformed Republicans, and Apoliticals (with limited world-domination tendencies) to get hitched to warm-hearted Canadians so that they can escape the cowboy conservatism that is eating away at their very souls.

I was amused by some of the pledges on this website. It is a Canadian site, in which Canadians are supposed to make the pledge to save an American… So that they can live here! But, as you can see by the examples below, not all of the pledges understand the premise of this website or actually read the URL in the address bar!!! In fact, out of the 149 pledges to save an American, only a handful are actually Canadian, the rest are desperate personal ads from around the world, people who want to get the hell out of their homeland so that they can come and live here (or in the U.S.) and be free, or bomb us… we’re not sure yet!

Here are just a few that I found amusing:

8184 Amaechi Lagos I am a Nigerian,35,need a good lady who is God fearing from Canada or UK for marriage.

Yeah… Amaechi, these Americans are unfortunately looking for a pledge who CAN FUCKING READ… Dude, What is the name of the website you are on? MARRY AN AMERICAN…. Right? Not Marry a Canadian… or Marry a Brit!!! Did you even read the website? They are looking to escape to CANADA not NIGERIA!!! You don’t have Timbits and good beer in Nigeria and these Americans aren’t looking to marry an ESL student!

8224 naveed awan newyerk hi, my naveed and i marry in usai am loking very good sand me mail adn i sand you my pic

Naveed from NewYerk huh… Funny, because I live in Canada and don’t recall us having a New Yerk here. Perhaps you can SAND me a picture of where you live and I might recognize it. Something tells me that when you do SAND me the picture there will be a lot of SAND in it.

8186 Paul Ajax Just getting ready to reenter the workforce, after being on disability for 10 years. Hoping to meet a sexy, charming, funny, educated and liberated woman.

Oh look… I found one. A Canadian who wants to save an American. Awww too bad he’s been on disability for 10 years. How is he supposed to buy the American lady her timbits and beer?! Sure you’re re-entering the work force (*wink *wink). Come on Paul, let’s be realistic here… You’re a dog fuck! And you’re looking for a sexy, charming, funny, educated, and liberated American woman to come and take care of your lazy ass! Not gonna happen… Get a job, there’s nothing wrong with you you lazy wanker!

6 thoughts on “No American Will Be Left Behind

  1. LOL. This post is funny on so many levels that I can not even begin to comment on it. If you are ever in New Yerk, sand me an email, okay? We can get hatched, lol.

  2. It’s even funnier when you go and read the pledges on the site… The desperate pleas from bad spellers around the world offering thousands of dollars to get the hell out of their countries and marry willing Americans, Canadians, or Brits.

    Perhaps even funnier, is the entrepreneurial hoes who have caught on to this and left their own ads on the site saying “hey… if the price is right, i’m willing”!

  3. This Pledge says it all: need to marry a american girl age 22- 30 just to get my papers im 26 6’1”dont bs me if you cant do it need more info contct pleace have a photo

    Is this guy for real? Something tells me we will be seeing this guys photo on the news!

  4. look, we still haven’t forgiven you guys for the whole bombing the baldwins thing. me personally, i am very bent over canadians insistance, that everything smaller than a young ram,that has fur on it, is called a ground squirrel. shouldn’t you get us drunk first before you seduce us?

  5. Why save an American? They keep screwing everything/one over so they deserve to be made to suffer for voting in the biggest retard on the planet.

    Canadians can do so much better. Like New Zealanders (on knees praying like hell) ;-). America is like the rich obnoxious cousin that crashes your party and brags about how great they are all the while you a secretly wishing that their heads will explode and then everyone can get back to enjoying the party.

    Not that I’m anti-American or anything like that. 😉

  6. Hi All!

    This is the open request to any american girls of any age from 18 – 48 who are interested on getting married with a Nepali guy for true & honest love. Please mail me at my address above or at

    I am ready to relocated for the same. The interested girls can make journey to my place & try me first before deciding about their life.

    I look forward to hearing from you prospective girls.

    May the god bless you for the happy life as well as to me for the new life.

    Any single/ divorced / seperated or the others who r looking for a true love, please write to me

    I shall be happy to forward u all the details of mine if u r interested.

    warm regards,


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