I know that things haven’t been the greatest between us lately and I know we can sometimes be a pain in the ass, but I want you to know that we love you. We know that you’re our bigger stronger brother who would kick anybody’s ass who was stupid enough to fuck with us. You laugh when we make our own decisions and let us feel as if we’re walking all on our own, but we know that you are the safety net behind us to catch us if we fall.
You have more cash, more people, a bigger stronger army, and better TV than we could ever hope for. If it wasn’t for you we’d be sitting here watching Degrassi High and Trailer Park Boys all day every day. Actually, TPB rocks… but you get my point! We’d be trading with countries that I can’t even pronounce their names, our (funny) money wouldn’t be worth nearly as much as it is, and our sense of fashion… well, let’s just not go there because it wouldn’t be pretty!
You are the only one with balls and generosity who is capable of exercising them at the same time. You go out of your way to help people only to be criticized, hated, or even targetted by ungrateful pricks who don’t appreciate anything you do. You always get put down for being a bully, but people continually fail to recognize your sensitive side. Sure you’ve made some mistakes (haven’t we all), but ultimately you just want people to be happy and peaceful and democratic… What’s wrong with that?!
So since we never say it… THANK YOU for everything! Don’t worry, we will grow up one day and make you proud, but until then, thanks for watching our back!
Your annoying little brother Canada