Yesterday while giving my twin daughters a healthy(?) dosage of visual stimulation by way of Baby Einstein… it occurred to me… these videos are like crack for babies! They don’t give a flying fuck what is going on around them when they are on the baby smack. There could be a pride parade marching right through our living room and they wouldn’t even notice! When they’re on the stuff their pupils are right fucking dilated, and they rock back and forth (in their bouncy chairs) and engage in shit talk (aka – incoherent banter).
I don’t think I ever would have bought one of these videos though, because they are thoroughly annoying and make me want stab myself in the eye with a pen, but they do make the babies shut the hell up! We received them as gifts, which is why they’ve been given the opportunity to appear on our television in the first place. My girlies normally enjoy explosions and FPS (first person shooter) games, so the fact that they are into this baby-gay stuff is weird. But whatever… When you have two very demanding demon spawns, you’ll do what works.
I’m not so much bothered by the fact that they are into this baby-gay stuff, but I am more bothered by the fact that the bitch who created this stuff is laughing all the way to the bank!! These videos cost less to make than a REALLY bad porno with only two scene changes. Some of it looks like it was created in Powerpoint!!! Thankfully i’m not paying for the stuff, but what about the rest of the suckers out there!!
If I were to create a video series for babies I would create one with lots of fires and explosions and screams… because everyone likes fire, even babies… and who can resist the sound of a haunting scream?!