Visual Crack For Babies

Yesterday while giving my twin daughters a healthy(?) dosage of visual stimulation by way of Baby Einstein… it occurred to me… these videos are like crack for babies! They don’t give a flying fuck what is going on around them when they are on the baby smack. There could be a pride parade marching right through our living room and they wouldn’t even notice! When they’re on the stuff their pupils are right fucking dilated, and they rock back and forth (in their bouncy chairs) and engage in shit talk (aka – incoherent banter).

I don’t think I ever would have bought one of these videos though, because they are thoroughly annoying and make me want stab myself in the eye with a pen, but they do make the babies shut the hell up! We received them as gifts, which is why they’ve been given the opportunity to appear on our television in the first place. My girlies normally enjoy explosions and FPS (first person shooter) games, so the fact that they are into this baby-gay stuff is weird. But whatever… When you have two very demanding demon spawns, you’ll do what works.

I’m not so much bothered by the fact that they are into this baby-gay stuff, but I am more bothered by the fact that the bitch who created this stuff is laughing all the way to the bank!! These videos cost less to make than a REALLY bad porno with only two scene changes. Some of it looks like it was created in Powerpoint!!! Thankfully i’m not paying for the stuff, but what about the rest of the suckers out there!!

If I were to create a video series for babies I would create one with lots of fires and explosions and screams… because everyone likes fire, even babies… and who can resist the sound of a haunting scream?!


6 thoughts on “Visual Crack For Babies

  1. The problem is that people don’t think about what these kiddie programs about. Obviously the people making the programs are on drugs but that’s not the real evil behind these programs.

    These programs contain subliminal messages that tell the babies that they should cry and carry on at two in the morning so as to make them sleepy. It’s a well know fact that sleepy adults are very easy to control and don’t fully cotton on to what is going on around them. As such they vote in morons like George Bush etc.

    Babies are fully capable of going to the toilet on their own. In fact while parents think they are sleeping, they get up, run to the toilet and go potty. However, when the parent is in the same room, they crap their pants so that the parent has to change them.

    This conspiracy is only relegated to countries with TV, videos, and DVDs. Don’t believe me? Ever been to Africa and seen how many babies crap their nappies. NONE. Okay maybe because they don’t have nappies but you get my drift.

    Babies run this world and we are merely their pawns. Sad fact of life but it’s true.

    Bundle of joy. Yeah right. Brainwashed hippies.

    Love the site by the way. šŸ™‚

  2. I 100% WHOLE HEARTEDLY AGREE!!! In fact I have stopped feeding my babies and I have told them that if they wanna eat they’re gonna have to work it out for themselves. At night when i’m sleeping i’m pretty sure that i’ve heard little foot steps going down the stairs follwed by what sounds like the making of a bottle and some slurping sounds.

    Not only that but the other night I heard the toilet flush!!!

    Manipulative little basstards!!!

    LOL!!! Thanks for checking my site!!! Very insightful comments!

    PS – Baby Einstein was definitely created by a couple of junkies!! No doubt about it…

  3. Meth heads is very likely… The more that I think about it. They do tend to be more ambitious than say a crack head or a heroin junkie. It’s the up-and-at-it drug!!! In fact, the whole Einstein series was probably created on a 6 day sleepless Meth binge.

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