Confessions of a Cereal Killer

Everybody loves cereal, but what ever happened to the good stuff like Count Chocula and Cocoa Pebbles? They don’t sell those cereals anymore! Or at least not in my local supermarket. It’s all multi-grain this, and whole-grain that… I say fuck the grain bitch and gimme some SUGAR!!!

I’m very disappointed about the removal of Count Chocula from the cereal brand market. It has been very upsetting to me! I have been forced to eat Sugar Crisp and Frosted Flakes (They’re Grrreat, but not Fantastic)! Right now, however I am eating All Bran (which totally sucks ass), but i’ll be resuming my regular scheduled cereal programming shortly.

If you are a cereal killer like me, maybe you’d like to have some on your desktop?! Click here to download some cereal icons!

And would somebody PLEASE tell me what the fuck happened to Count Chocula???! I mean seriously…. It provided 25% of daily nutritional needs for 7 essential vitamins and iron as established by the U.S. government… Right?

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15 thoughts on “Confessions of a Cereal Killer

  1. Yes Count Chocula is amazing… If I could find a stock pile of it somewhere I would purchase as many boxes as I could… I don’t care what the expiry date is… Actually there probably wouldn’t be an expiry date on the box because it wasn’t mandatory then.

    Damn these health conspiracy people!!!

  2. Great topic. I fucking LIVE on cereal. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a top notch gourmet chef who love to eat and cook, but something about CEREAL just rules! And you hit the nail right on the head, the sugary ones are best! I’m a Capt’n Crunch man myself. I dig the peanut butter crunch with chocolate milk when I’m feeling really decadent! As a matter of fact, I have a great cereal recipe for dinner! It’s based on an appetizer I had at New York’s now defunct “Fashion Cafe” years ago and it is THE BOMB! Here it goes:

    JOEL”S SUPER EASY CAPT’N CRUNCH CHICKEN
    2 lbs boneless/skinless Chicken Tenderloin or breast cut into strips
    3 Eggs
    1 Cup Flour
    2 Cups Capt’n Crunch (Regular)
    1 cup shortening or oil.

    1. Smash Capt’n Crunch into semi-fine powder put in shallow dish.
    2. Put flour into equal sized shallow dish.
    3. Put beaten eggs Put flour into equal sized shallow dish.
    4. Dredge chicken in flour.
    5. Dredge chicken in eggs.
    6. Dredge chicken in Capt’n Crunch
    7. Get skillet with 1/2 inch shortening or oil hot on med/high heat.
    8. Fry breaded chicken for 3-4 minutes per side.
    9. Put fried chicken on paper towels to cool and soak up oil.
    10. Serve with honey mustard.

    I swear to god this is one of the yummiest things ever!

    Love,
    Joel Conrad Bechtolt

  3. Mmmmmm thank you thank you Joel. You just gave me Tomorrow nights dinner idea!! That sounds super yummy! I can’t wait. I’ll let you know how it works out!

  4. Yes Capt’n’ Crunch is a fave of mine too. I like it for breakfast, i’ll let you know if I like it for dinner when i’m done trying Joel’s recipe out! I miss when they used to cut the roof of your mouth though… It was painfully delicious… They’re all rounded off and softer now, much safer than they used to be, not quite as fun… But still just as delicious!

    I like Honey Nut Cheerios. Rice Krispies go soggy too fast I find, but they’re good when they’re still krispy!

    Glad to have this important discussion with fellow Cereal Aficionados!

    Us cereal killers have to stick together… Before the Natzi conformist fruit & yogurt cheerleaders take over the world… and our breakfast time!

  5. Does anyone remember the Gummi Bears cereal?? I used to make it a ritual to watch the cartoon while I ate the cereal..until I felt sad for eating my entertainment..come on..what I was just a kid….lol

    Have to say I am now a faitful to the fruit filled all bran and the Maple Nut cereal…ummmmmmm

  6. Pegasus: I think I do remember the Gummi Bears Cereal… Didn’t it taste kinda like Fruity Pebbles?

    Stacey: I am on the horn to my local Wal-Mart as we speak!

    I’m also coo coo for Cocoa Puffs!

  7. I love how Count Chocula, Coco Puffs, and my favorite Coco Pebbles totally transform regular boring milk into fabulous chocolate milk at the end. It’s almost as rewarding as the toy that comes in the box, only this prize comes with every bowl.

  8. My supermarket has Count Chocula and I buy at least two boxes every four days or so. I mean, you can eat it as a super, right?

    I refuse to eat any other cereal. Ok, MAYBE Reese Peanut Butter Cups.

  9. Hmmm okay, i’m starting to see that this removal from the market is actually just a removal from MY SUPERMARKET!!! I’m happy that it’s still around though… Phew. That’s awesome!!! You guys really made my day!!!!

    I’m gonna go get some this weekend. I may have to check out a few different places… I must live among some anti-sugar-cereal folks or something?!

  10. WTF is Capt’n Crunch? I swear we live in the the variety is the spice of life ghetto here in the antipodes

  11. Dude… You HAVE TO try Capt’N Crunch!!! It’s the wickedest cereal… You’ll have to special order it from North America!! It’s worth it… It stays crunchy for extended periods of time!

  12. God bless Count Chocula, we have it here
    at our local super-store…Suckers
    Best with chocolate milk…..*drool*
    think ill go have a bowl right now!
    hahahahaha

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