Cricket After Dark

Above: A Lingo Slinger Original… My depiction of Cricket the talking Doll. Don’t worry I didn’t spend long on it, so feel free to snicker at my (less than stellar) Photoshop prowess.

Remember those annoying talking Cricket dolls from the 80’s (those of you who are old enough)? My younger sister had one that our whole family pretty much hated. She used to carry it around everywhere!!! Cricket stood about 25″ tall and had a cassette player in her back. Her mouth would move while the tape played, so that’s how she could “talk”. Her creepy eyes opened and closed, and moved from side to side. I don’t know how my sister even slept in the same room with that fuckin’ thing!!

I remember one of Cricket’s songs “Let’s be friends… we’ll do things together… we’ll have a great old time”… And i’ll never forget her laugh, It still sends shivers up my spine. It was one of those creepy children’s laughs that you hear in any given horror movie. I used to hear my sister lumbering around the house with Cricket (the doll was fucking heavy as hell). Her sinister battery operated laugh echoed down the hall.

My sister (for some reason) didn’t seem to notice how fucking creepy and weird this doll was and took her EVERYWHERE… I think Cricket knew that I was on to her, she would flash me a glance sometimes as if to say “I’m coming for you bitch… you better sleep with one eye open”! Then she would resume her singing and laughing with my sister who was none the wiser.

And so… I did sleep with one eye open. And I live to tell about it. One time I found Cricket laying in the hall outside my bedroom. I’m not sure how she got there. My sister said she didn’t put her there, so i’m sure that she was on her way to take me out while I slept! Her batteries must have been too weak to pull it off which is why she laid there until my sister found her the next morning! My sister finally got bored of her, didn’t replace her batteries, lost the tape, ripped out her pigtails, and had her stripped bare-ass naked! I had the last laugh!!

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9 thoughts on “Cricket After Dark

  1. Hahaha…I have one of those that I just rescued from the flood in my basement..it is sitting in my mothers bedroom in my little kid rocking chair. My mother as thought it was nice to keep things from my childhood so I could give it to my little girl if I was fortunate enough to have one.

    I agree she was creepy. I used to love putting my father’s Willie Nelson tapes in her back and watching her sing those tunes. So ironic that you posted something about her/it when I just saved her like two weeks ago..how weird. I thought I was the only one who remembered her.

  2. Oh yeah, I remember that!! We put WHAM into her one time “Wake me up before you go go…”! LOL!!

    It’d be too soon if I never saw that thing again though. Seriously… It creeped me out!

  3. BITCH I told you I’m coming for you and I mean it. You think I died in the 80’s like my batteries but you are mistaken. I am merely resting and plotting my revenge so when I make my attack you won’t see me coming. Keep sleeping with one eye open bitch. {EVIL LAUGH}

  4. Ha ha ha!! Sorry Cricket, I may have been afraid of you in the 80’s (in my youth), but i’m much bigger and more jaded now. I am an evil mother fucker, probably much more so than you!

    So bring it on bitch. I’ll rip that tattered looking rat’s nest of a hair-do out of your fucking skull and smash you to little pieces on the concrete. Then… I will get a Great Dane to come and take a big nasty dump on your broken ass, pour some gasoline on you and watch you burn in dog shit!

    In fact, I look forward to it!!! It will be great, I promise not to dissapoint! You fucking annoying has-been!! Ha ha ha!!!

  5. I know you are still afraid of me little girl because I can smell your fear. You can TRY to burn me, but I will be back and I will get you, even if it is the last thing that I do, I will get you!!
    {Que the horror music now}

  6. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Oh poor Cricket… She who stands only 25″ tall. Your empty pathetic 80’s style fear tactics do nothing but make me laugh hysterically. You are fucking with the grim reaper here… I go to bed with the devil each night!

    (Que the Godfather music)

    Let’s be friends… We’ll do things together… We’ll have a great old time!

    You’re in MY WORLD NOW Bitch!!

    I’ll take that tape out of your back and replace it with another. I’ll force you to listen to Hanson (Mmm Bop) continuously while you’re tied to the railroad tracks in a pool of Great Dane shit while your body is burning! Then in the grand finale, a train will come speeding towards you, sending what remains of your broke-ass body into itty bitty Cricket pieces!

    And if that’s not enough, I’ll call up my pal Chucky, his bride and their new evil child to come and torture you further! They’d love that!! They hate you! Chucky will piss on you and fuck your dead corpse (not necessarily in that order)! He loves that kind of shit! Yeah, you’ll make his day. His bride will get off on watching it too… He might even let his kid in on the action.

    Hey – since you’re probably broke and living on welfare because nobody wants your trife ass, I will personally offer to pay for your plane ticket. I will do this, just because I would get personal satisfaction out of seeing your face melt in burning dog shit and gasoline. You’ll have to ride with the pets in the bottom of the plane though, sorry, I’d be too afraid that somebody else (who hates you, as many do) would get to you first.

    Shall I book you a ticket?

  7. {waves a white flag}
    Ok I surrender- you win!! No need to bring the Chucky family into all this- it was between me and you- but now I can see that I am no match for you- you are NOT a little girl anymore and my powers of terror are useless with a grown up like you. Just wait until your twins get a little older.
    {EVIL LAUGH}

  8. Surrender accepted! I will cancel the hit!

    I gotta say, you’re smarter than I thought Cricket!!

    FYI – My twins will be a force to be reckoned with when they are older. Think: Adorable Pigtailed JuJitsu gymnasts who bat their eyelashes then strike their enemy down with a ninja star at a speed faster than sound. I fear for anyone who is on the receiving end of their wrath!

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