Penis Envy

I’m all for women’s rights… women and men being equal… and all that kind of stuff, but this… this is just going too far! Ladies, ladies, ladies… Why on earth would you want to stand up and pee? That’s just fucking weird! We do not have penises… and we don’t have them for A REASON… because we’re women!!! We squat and that’s sexy damn it! Don’t go and ruin it for the rest of us just because you have penis envy!

I’ve been camping… roughing it out in the woods, and even after 10 or 15 keg-stands and a half a bottle of tequila (just got the taste and gagged a little saying that… yep I have a bad tequila story, don’t we all?!), I have never said, “You know what would be sweet right now?!…. To go and piss on that big tree over there… STANDING UP”! Nope… I did what women have been doing for generations in non-plumbing equipped environments… I SQUATTED, and I did it with fucking precision!!

Ladies, if you are worrying about peeing on yourself (and this is “your reason” for needing a stand-and-pee product) then you have other things to worry about… like perhaps your gender?! You might want to go back to the drawing board. Do you really think that you can use this product inconspicuously?! It’s almost the same logic as using a dildo in public… You don’t think that people are going to see you shoving this (ironically) phallic looking piece of finely waxed cardboard down there and then pulling it out again when it’s full?! Of course they will. And yeah… that’s about as classy as a prostitute on crack sipping champagne at an hourly rated motel. But hey… if that’s the kind of gal you are then all the power to ya!

I don’t have a penis, I don’t pretend that I do, nor do I want to create an imaginary penis for myself out of finely waxed cardboard, pee all over it, and then carry it around looking for somewhere to discard it… If I can’t even find a toilet or an outhouse, then what are the chances of me finding a fucking garbage can???!

If you are a woman and you would consider using this product, please tell me WHY… Really… Inquiring minds wanna know!!!


7 thoughts on “Penis Envy

  1. That’s cool. I wouldn’t really flinch if I saw a dude squatting, but if I saw a woman standing to pee i’d do a double take for sure!!

  2. Some women, especially the elderly, don’t sit on public toilet seats because they worry about sanitation. Instead they hover above them and end up with serious knee injuries. This product supposedly prevents these incidents from happening. *shrug*

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