SPAM or DIE!

You’d think that since email has been mainstream for almost 10 years now that people would be a little more intelligent about when to spot a scam… or recognize SPAM. Time and time again I open my email to see one of those fucking chain letters that says something along the lines of “If you don’t forward this to at least 10 people within an hour after reading it something horrible will happen to you and your family” and I am always surprised that people continue to enable these emails to be forwarded. I always delete them!

First of all, I take issue with the fucking wankers who sit there and put these chain letters together in the first place… I mean get a fucking life you pasty SPAM-pushing losers! Instilling the fear of god into people by forcing them to forward your stupid meaningless piece of shit letter and then telling them they must do so OR ELSE they will die (or have terrible luck for the next 7 years) is just incredibly annoying and mean… These chain letters are all based on fear! They prey on the “what ifs” nagging in the back of paranoid people’s minds. Supersticious people read them and say, “I don’t want to risk it”… Or “What if I delete it and get in a horrible car wreck, then I’ll really be kicking myself”! Hey – I have an idea… How about you don’t burden your so-called friends and loved ones with the same fucking paranoia that this annoying piece of shit email has bestowed upon you… How about it huh?! What do you think?!

To the creators of these annoying, meaningless, poorly written, grammatically incorrect, evil, fear based chain letters, I say this to you… “FUCK OFF and stop creating these incredibly annoying chain letters, OR, you will die along with every one of your family members, your cat, your dog, and even your dick if you have one. You will NEVER get laid as long as you shall live (which won’t be too long if you are continuing to create these letters). Before your impending death you will break out in big dirty pus-filled open sores all over your body which will release a disgustingly nasty smell, almost as if there is a rotting carcass residing inside your body. So don’t be stupid… If you value your life, your looks, your sex life, your pets and your family… You’ll find something better to do with your time, like bungee jumping!”

To the enablers of these chain letters I have this to say… “ Please stop sending these ridiculous letters to your friends and family. When they open your email they don’t say “oh good, I got a chain letter”… They curse you and say “Oh Fuck… Not a fucking chain letter… fucking whore/wanker”. So why piss off your friends and family?! Just delete the fucking thing and be done with it… It’s amazing how quickly you forget when it’s not sitting in your inbox staring at you. Just because the email is not advertising a product or service does not mean that it isn’t SPAM… It is totally SPAM and the worst kind!! The kind that pisses off your family, co-workers, friends, and loved ones. A simple “Sorry… I didn’t want to take the chance” or “Better safe than sorry” will not suffice!!! Just don’t send it!! Unless you are going to send the email to a bunch of people who you hate, it is NEVER OKAY! It’s annoying, and you are being a bad friend or family member by involving those you love in your shitty gesture of sharing the SPAM. SO FUCK OFF and stop being so paranoid… Just delete the fucking thing! You are not going to die… or at least not right now!”

Seriously!

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