Gnomes are evil.
They might be in your garden, they might be in your neighbours garden, they might even be in every garden on your street! There’s no doubt about it, garden gnomes are attempting a come back and we are all in danger! These evil little dwarfs might look innocent with their quirky little smiles and their tacky little overalls, but don’t be fooled by their Sno whitish appearance, they will violently kill you and your whole family and smile doing it!
Recently I’ve been noticing a lot more gnomes, there’s certainly a lot more of them than there used to be. The baby-boomers are to be thanked for this. Thankfully the (younger hipper) design community has not yet declared them cool (and I don’t think ever will), but if gnomes ever do make the Hot list in the garden design circuit, we will all die!
There have been countless stories about families who have died violently and their killers never found, all the while the unsuspected evil garden gnomes sit in the garden with their Beatty little eyes and sinister smiles covering up the most horrendous of crimes.
Their goal is to take over the world, enslave humans, and kill all who resist! The ONLY way you can help prevent this from happening is to not buy garden gnomes. So when you’re strolling the garden section at Wal-Mart and one of the cute Red-hatted little dwarfs has a smile on his face as if to say “come hither my friend, take me home to your garden…” Get the fuck out of the isle immediately and do not turn back to look, they can be downright convincing when they want to be!
To further my theory:
And you thought he was just the leader of the American people… Think again my human friends, think again!
We are all being brainwashed! The gnomes are infiltrating all social circles, including Hollywood. Pretty soon they will own the world.
When the earth becomes a fiery hell and the garden gnomes have enslaved all humans, we can look at the baby boomers and say “thanks you stupid fucks… thanks a lot!!”