Are You There God? It’s Me The Hydro Consumer


It was a beautiful morning… The sun was shining, the birds were singing. Not a thing could go wrong, that is, until I opened my front door! I saw a letter in the mailbox from our Hydro company with an “urgent – final notice” stamp on the front of it. Opened it up and saw that it was a demand for $360 and that we had 24 hours to pay before we got the shaft!

Panicking and trying not to think about how horrible it would be if we lost our internet connection… oh yeah and our lights… I placed a call to the customer service dept that went a lil’ somethin’ like this:

Good Afternoon Bendover Hydro”

“Ugh Hi There, I got a notice in the mail to say that we owe $360”

“Okay ma’m, have you made the payment?”

“Not yet, I just wanted to inquire about the additional $160 that was tacked on to the $200 I owed… where did that come from?”

“Well you were overdue 2 months which is $50 per month in service charges, plus the $60 for this month, brings you to $160 and of course the outstanding $200 on the account.

“Okay, well I guess i’ll go pay it then, what choice do I have right?!”

“That’s correct ma’m, and how will you be paying that?”

“I’ll pay via internet banking, ill do it today”

“Unfortunately we cannot accept that ma’m. We will require a money transfer via Western Union or certified cheque dropped off at our office before noon today”.

“Oh… so basically what you’re telling me is that i’m gonna have to pay another $20-$30 just to be able to GIVE you your money?!! That’s whack!”

“Yes that’s correct ma’m!… Is that a baby that I hear crying in the background?”

“Yes it is, i’m a proud new mother of twins actually… Seren & Rayne. Are you a mom?”

“Ma’m you don’t live in a 2 person dwelling?! I’m afraid that will be another $50 per child ma’m, we’ll require that up front before we can provide you with any further service”.

“WHAT? That’s crazy… How does that make a difference? What the fuck?”

“Is that grandpa I can hear in the background there too ma’m… Yeah, they talk a lot don’t they. That will be another $50! Fortunately we can offer you a seniors discount and bring it down to $45 for you, would you like to take advantage of that offer?”

“Listen Bitch, I am not paying you any more than what I owe! $360 end of story!”

“I’m afraid you just tacked on another $20 in administration fees due to the fact that I have to create a file now indicating that you called me a bitch.

“What?! What?! I’m going to rip your fucking head off! Go ahead take my lights, take my internet, take whatever you want you thieving whore!!

Okay, so maybe it didn’t go EXACTLY like that, but it was similar to that! It is ridiculous how much “power” these “power” companies have!! We’re good upstanding citizens who pay our bills… why is it necessary to make us bend over any more than we already have to?! We’ll pay you, maybe not on time, but we’ll pay you! You don’t have to be so anal about it… We want our lights on just as much (maybe even more) than you do, so why would we screw you?!

Whatever!

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