Lingo Slinger

I was attracted to his perfectly coiffed hair, suave urban hipster style, and his confident sexy strut. All of my coworkers swore he was gay, but something about the way my breasts attracted his attention told me otherwise.

Still… I had to find out for myself.

I spotted him at the photocopier, so I quickly unbuttoned two buttons on my blouse and sauntered over in my pencil skirt, swinging my hips like a saucy little bitch.

“Oh. Hey Kai. What’s happening?”

“Well honey, you’re pretty happening” he winked.

I thought I was going to melt through my panties. “That did sound pretty gay though…” I thought to myself. But then the wink. He clearly winked at me! It wasn’t a friendly wink either. It was an “I’d like to remove your panties” wink.

I know winks!!

I leaned against the photocopier and stared into his eyes for a few seconds until he caught my gaze. I smiled seductively and moved out of the way so he could remove his copies from the machine.

He leaned in “Hey – we should go grab a drink some time.”

“Sure.” I said. “I’d love to. How about tonight?” I smirked.

“Yeah…. Okay” he said, totally catching me off guard.

I froze in disbelief then strolled back to my desk with a permanent grin on my face, screaming inside about how exciting this was. I was so ecstatic I forgot to even pretend to make copies!

There was, however a pressing issue. I had to call Kerry and say “IN YOUR FACE”. She told me I was a fag hag.

I dialed her extension

“What?” she said in a bitchy tone.

“Is that how you answer your phone?”  I asked

“Only to you.”

“Who pissed in your cornflakes this morning? Fuck!”

“Look. Sorry… I just got in a fight with Tim. He’s being an ass.”

“Well… Fine whatever, I just wanted to tell you some exciting news. Kai ISN’T GAY!! We’re going out for a drink tonight!”

“What? Really?” she said “You’re gonna have to fill me in on THAT one! I heard he has a Chihuahua named Twinkle.”

I hung up and decided to go home for the rest of the day so I could begin my ritualistic goddess grooming procedures. There was plucking, waxing, and moisturizing to be done! I cranked the tunes, poured myself some wine and danced around my house as I embarked on my aesthetic endeavors.

At 7 o’clock he rang my doorbell. I looked through the peephole and felt myself growl like a hungry cat. I wanted to rip his Parasuco’s off, club him and drag him back to my cave… But first, I had to be a lady. At least for an hour.

I swung the door open and raped him with my eyes.

He smiled and said “Those gals are perfect” referring to my tits. I locked my door, turned into him and cupped his package “Well, we’ll just have to see how you fare”.

So much for being a lady.

Dirty girl it is.

We had appetizers at the bar, working sexual innuendo into our conversation as often as possible. We laughed at each others witty but ballsy style. He invited the gawks of every female in bar, all envious of his deliciousness.

I think it was around 11:30 when I felt myself getting sloppy drunk. He mentioned his dog and I blurted out “Your dog’s name isn’t fucking Twinkle is it?”

He glared at me, bit his lip and said “as a matter of fact it is, why?”

The bar was sort of rocking side to side and Kai occasionally had two heads. One martini too many me thinks. “Better shut my mouth or no cocky for me tonight” I thought.

Now my memory might be slightly askew but I think it was around midnight when I swore he rammed his tongue down another dude’s throat and introduced him as his partner. Then, another guy showed up. More drinks… and well, to make a long story short, I woke up THIS MORNING in the other guys bed!

No Kai… No twinkle… No deliciousness. Just a random who I don’t even remember shagging.

When I got to work I immediately stormed over to Kai’s desk. He giggled, grabbed my arm and dragged me into the lunch room ‘So… How was it last night?” he asked impatiently.

“You know… YOU’RE A FUCKING COCK TEASE!” I shouted.