Lingo Slinger

I was working the psychic fair at the National Convention Centre. It always drew an interesting crowd. The usuals… you know, the skeptics, the fanatics, the wanna be’s, the scammers, the believers, the gypsies & of course the stoned hippies.

A young woman came into my booth with her fiancé wearing a smile so grande it killed me to read her palm. I sensed impending doom before she even said hello.

She walked into my booth with a huge nervous smile and said, “Are you Zelda? Can we do this now?”

She shot a wink at her soon-to-be hubby as he glared at her disapprovingly, obviously falling into the skeptics group. She was the girl next door, a former cheerleader, a zoom white smile, and a bronze glow. Came from the All-American family. Two kids, a dog and parents who stayed together.

She held out her perfectly manicured hand. She believed in fate this one, she was Cinderella looking for her happy ending. She wasn’t gonna get it. I swallowed hard wondering if I should lie or just tell her what I saw. It was written all over her aura I didn’t even need to see her hand.

I went through all the basics with her… the success factor, the life line, the head line, all of the things that people who know nothing about palmistry want to hear.

Then she asked me about her marriage…

“So, can you like see our marriage?” she beamed as she smiled at her fiancé who was looking on.

I hesitated and cleared my throat “Uhhh yeah. This is your marriage line here”

“That? That tiny line? Why is it so small, is that normal?”

I grabbed my glass of ice water and chugged it. This part was never easy. It’s one thing to not volunteer to ruin somebody’s life, it’s another to willingly hold back or lie when they ask.

“Well, the length of the line usually indicates the length of the marriage”

Her smile faded to a worried look of devastation.

“So… does that mean that me and Ted are going to divorce?”

“Well… not necessarily but it does indicate a split.”

“Oh GOD… This is HORRIBLE! I wish I never came here.”

“I know, I am sorry. I just want to be honest with you.”

“No, no I guess it is better that I know. Does it at least say why we split”?

I sighed once again, not wanting to expand on her life of horror any further but being put in the uncomfortable position of having to.

“I can see several affairs, but it isn’t certain whether they are in your marriage or that of another. All I know for sure is that it has a profound affect on your life and marriage.”

She started sobbing intensely. I offered her a tissue. Thankfully Ted was out of sight.

With her mascara running down her face and her nose beginning to run, she looked at me hopelessly and said “What should I do Zelda?”

I looked to my right, then to my left, leaned in and said “Fuck it sister… marry the man. This line here indicates a huge amount of alimony. So you’ll be okay honey.”

She smiled through her tears, paid me, and walked out of my booth. As I watched her and her fiancé walk down the aisle, she began hitting him with her purse until they were out of sight. I felt good not telling her about the cancer she was going to get.

I never did do another convention show after that…