Lingo Slinger

I met him in med school… He was always juggling 3 or 4 women at one time and was very good at it. My interest in him was thwarted by the fact that I was a colleague of his, and that he was studying to be a gynecologist (and for all the wrong reasons). I felt sorry for the many many future women patients that he would encounter and seduce while under his “care”. On the other hand, at least he would know what to do when he got the clap, crabs, gonnorhea, chlamydia, syphilis, herpes, or some other slutty sex disease.

In my thirties, recently divorced, and finding myself alone in a new city, I was forced to look for a new doctor, a new dentist, and all of the other conveniences that one comes to know when living in a neighbourhood for any extended amount of time. Aware that it was time for my annual pap test, I made an appointment at the Peach Street Doctors Office.

“Umm do you have a female doctor?” I asked the receptionist

“Yes, yes we do. Her name is Dr. Jade. Would you like to come in next Wednesday?”

I sighed (relieved) and said “Yes, see you then!”

The following Wednesday I didn’t bother shaving and sculpting myself the way I normally would and instead just rolled out of bed and threw on my Yoga pants and tank top and headed to the Peach Street Doctors Office.

I went right in (didn’t have to wait) and was escorted into Dr. Jade’s office. I looked at the photograph of her family on her desk. The perfect looking family… Cute husband, stunning daughter, nice looking son, and a chocolate lab… She had a warm smile and kind eyes… I was happy that it was her that would be examining my box.

Suddenly the door swung open and to my horror, it was Dr. Neilson (aka – Darren)… The slutty and disgustingly handsome guy I went to med school with. My face turned a bright shade of crimson and I swallowed hard.

“Joanne? Is that you?” he said.

“Ummm yes… (playing dumb like I had forgotten all about him)… Do I know you?”

“It’s me, Darren!! From Med school” he said.

“Oh of course! Wow! What are you doing around here… I mean, yah, you look great. Ummm where’s Dr. Jade?”

“Ohhh she had a family emergency, so she called me in to take her patients for her.”

“I see… so uhhh you’re gonna be… ummm… examining me?”

He smiled grandly and followed it up with a guilty but cute laugh, “Well Joanne, only if you want me to, after all, we’re all professionals here right?!”

“Ummm…. okay… ahhh let me think about this for a minute here.”

“If you’d like, you can reschedule with Dr. Jade. If that would make you more comfortable. I wouldn’t be offended Joanne. I totally understand.”

I was silent for a minute or two as I looked down at the floor pondering my options and thinking about how stubbly my nether region was and how I was wearing the 2 year old cotton panties with the holes in them. I figured I could never come back after this… I might even have to move out of town.

“Okay, what the hell” I said as I slowly and nervously began removing my Yoga pants.

“Great” he said with a smile.

It started off quite professionally. He had the gloves on, he was making sure I was comfortable. He wasn’t making me feel weird or creeped out… And then (in an almost magical maneuver) he kissed me (while still examining me), and the next thing you know we’re going at it right there on the patient bed, me with my legs still in the stirrups. He fucked me and then left the room to see his next patient, like it was all so routine!

As I was doing up my pants and getting ready to leave, it hit me….

OH MY GOD… I AM one of those “future” women I felt sorry for back in med school. As hard as it was for me to fathom that, I headed to the front reception desk with a smile that was hard to hide. I booked a follow up appointment for the following month… with Dr. Neilson.