Ever seen that show “The Wiggles”? Basically they’re a bunch of Australian fruit cakes who sing really annoying kids songs and make your toddlers attach themselves to the television screen like a crack head to a crack pipe. They are basically teaching our kids to be gay…. But not cool cultured gay… Gay, annoying gay!!!
The girlies don’t watch a lot of television, but on the weekend, the show was on… So we let them watch it. The first thing we noticed were the rainbows… all the colours of the rainbow. This rainbow theme was reinforced everywhere from on the set to the very shirts they wear.
Their haircuts and attire would be enough to make the guys from Queer Eye for The Straight Guy throw their hands in the air and admit defeat. There’s just no helping these poor gay souls. They’re hurting… And they’re so popular that they are influencing the delicate little minds of our children.
It’s one thing to teach the kids to be cool gay (ie – good taste in music, culinary expertise, interior design savvy, in tune with both sexes, intelligent and cultured)… But it’s another thing to teach the kids to be annoying rainbow gay (ie – i’m thuper thanks for asking).
The Wiggles boast Popular songs such as “romp bomp a chomp”
Jeff wears a purple shirt and falls asleep (one to many rupees perhaps?)
Murray wears a red shirt and plays a guitar (think Juicy Fruit commercial only worse)
Anthony eats healthy food, especially fruit salad (hope he saran wraps that shit)
Greg wears a yellow shirt, drives the Big Red Car (yes… that’s right “a car”), and often performs magic tricks (like “hide the banana” perhaps).
Let’s not forget the “friendly (ASS) pirate” Captain Feathersword. A running joke with Captain Feathersword is his use of the phrase “Well, blow me down!“, which usually results in the characters nearest him obeying (little bitta S&M there) his wishes by blowing him to the ground with a gust of breath.
So don’t be surprised when your little boy comes down sporting a bowl cut, a circa 1984 crevaught, a Pink polo shirt, a pair of stone washed jeans (that are horribly too short) and starts belting out tunes that make you wanna stab yourself in the eye with a fondue fork! It’s not his fault he was brainwashed by these tacky gay cruisaders!
If you are grooming your child to be gay, then choose some fucking cool role models like Elton John, Ellen DeGeneres, and David Sedaris… or the dudes from Queer Eye. People who actually have some talent and can dress themselves without looking like rainbow vomit!
Disclaimer: This is tongue-in-cheek people… Nothing more, nothing less!